Maintenance Practice

So maintaining wasn't exactly my plan for the month of May, but it's what ended up happening. And I maintained, even lost a pound and a half actually, somehow miraculously without doing a single thing right.

That's not entirely true, I guess. Let's begin at the beginning, then. I guess first I should say I'm sorry that I disappeared, and proved to be a bad cheering-on buddy for roughly the past 28 days. I had a semi-big project at work, and was just really exhausted most of the time. I made some big decisions about my future (My contract was supposed to be up in July, but now I'm staying in Korea until early January), and mostly, I just felt too distracted in my head to face an empty page. I'm back now, though. It's t-minus ~37 days before I'm on the beach at home, and time to get back on track.

My one major accomplishment for the month of May was running the 5k I'd signed up for. In a surprising and unprecedented (ill-advised?) move, I started by carbo-loading and pre-race rest a little early. (Read: I ate pretty much only sugar for the week leading up to the race, and also stopped running.) It was an interesting decision on my part, and I still can't quite pinpoint why I did it, but anyway, I woke up early on that Saturday determined to do this thing that I'd been training for for 2 months.

My friend and I actually were up late the night before making our t-shirts. We bought super-bright hot green t-shirts and permanent markered "Team Foreigner" on them, along with various other decorations. Some people found them humorous anyway. It was as stressful as I imagined, finding the registration tent amongst the vast number of tents labelled in Korean, getting my number pinned on straight, but finally, after much nervousness, I was crushed at the starting line and then we were off. There was also a 20k and an 11k that started before us, which was, I discovered, where the really serious runners were... I think I was mostly running with children, middle-aged people, and the elderly, but whatever. I felt right at home.

It was a little hotter day than any I'd run in this year, but still not too bad. My running buddy Meghan lost me quickly, but that was okay, 'cause she's super-fast and fit. The "festival" area was on a track, and the race actually started on the track, so the first part was half a lap on the way out to the street. I felt compelled to run at a preternaturally fast speed to keep up appearances until we got out of sight of the spectators, then I slowed down to my preferred crawl, although I certainly wasn't the slowest person on the road. The race consisted of a flat stretch, then a slightly uphill jaunt on the way up to a temple, and then another flat (and beautifully tree-lined!) brief stretch next to the temple until we got to the turn-around point. As you might remember, a few weeks before the race I tried running what I thought might be the track, but then found it was suspiciously too short, so I was surprised when I was directed to turn around at almost exactly the point I'd chosen on my practice run.

The second half was wonderful, because then I knew I was half done, and I knew exactly how much longer I had to go. The uphill jaunt magically became downhill, some girls gave me a cup of water (which I mostly just spilled all over myself--I knew if I stopped, even for a second, I wouldn't keep going), and I passed all the people who were behind me (yes!). It was a confidence booster. I wanted to quit a little, sure, but this was special, this was what I'd been waiting for all these weeks... that's what I kept telling myself, anyway. I was sweating profusely, but I felt awesome, and then almost suddenly, I could see the turn in to the university track where I'd started. Victory was within my grasp!

There were traditional Korean drummers lining the path onto the track, which was a little exhausting, though I'm sure I didn't hear them over the beating of my own heart. I continued at my steady snail's pace until I was about a quarter of the track's length from the finish line, then I did it--I just sprinted as fast as I could, feeling awesome and inspiring some amused cheering from the spectators. I didn't feel sick the whole time I was running, though I felt like puking for the first minute after my finish-line sprint. But then some nice girls gave me a bottle of water and a bag with a banana and some yoghurt in it, and all was right with the world again. Then someone else gave me a necklace with a number 18 on it, and I went looking for Meghan on shaky legs. We plopped down in the grass, she sporting her awesome number 8 badge, and I discovered that we had, in fact, placed among women. Excitement. This meant I received a box of semi-delicious 참외 (it tastes like canteloupe, sort of) as a prize, and that, ladies and gentlemen, was my moment of zen.

No, it got better. As were just leaving the university to walk home, we ran into two of my adorable students, who had come (though tardily) to cheer me on. We gave them our free beef-soup lunch, drank our own rice wine, then conveniently they carried our big boxes of fruit home for us. I was exhausted walking home, but the adrenaline got me there, and then after a glorious shower, we had Chinese food for lunch. I couldn't believe it was over.

Shucks, time to lesson plan. Tonight, the rest of May, and some race photos. I hope you're all doing well! I'll see you at your blogs soon. :)

HYC #7: Net loss for month that won't be named, and other mini-victories

Happy Tuesday, everyone! :) 

This feels like the first happy Tuesday I've had in awhile, so I'm pleased. I updated my weight loss ticker at the top to reflect the (premature) end of April, and I'm happy to report that I weigh 1.8 pounds less at the end of April than I did at the beginning. That may not seem like much of an accomplishment, but considering just the sheer quantity of ice cream cones I consumed in the past 28 days, it really is. It also means I only have to lose 7.8 pounds in the next 28 days to accomplish my numerical goal for May, which is far more doable than I'd previously imagined. If I can pull that off, I'll be in the 160s (169.9 to be exact, lol) for school field trip on May 28. It means I really need to buckle down, 'cause I can't afford to go off plan in a serious way at all, if I really want to accomplish it. 

Last night I had a pretty inexplicable mini-binge. I had to buy some chocolate for school, and I had some extra (which is never a good thing). I decided to have just one mini-bar, but then... I didn't stop. (I'll admit that first I typed "couldn't stop," but that's clearly untrue.) I didn't even really taste them... I just ate one after another as if I was some sort of crazed chocolate addict. When I looked at the calorie info, I nearly fainted. Each tiny bar is like 135 calories! I won't tell you how many I ate, but it was a shockingly unnecessary amount, anyway. And the strangest thing is... they weren't even that good! I don't get it. 

Something good came out of it, though, so I'm not beating myself up over it. I woke up this morning at 5:30 intending just to go for a walk, but since my back was feeling pretty okay (just a little tight), I decided to give running a try. (I'll admit that last night's chocolate-fest played into my decision in a large way as well.) I was just shooting for ten minutes... I didn't want to push myself too hard, but I was feeling good after ten minutes, so I went for 15. Fifteen was okay, so I pushed for 20... and so on. Then it was the last song of my 30 minute playlist, so I figured I might as well finish. :) The last song is like 5 and a half minutes long, so it was a little bit of a killer, but I did the whole thing! My back had completely loosened up by then. It was really reassuring to see that I hadn't completely lost all my endurance, which I was (perhaps irrationally) really afraid of. I hadn't run any distance for about 10 days, and this felt a little harder than my last 34 minute run, but I finished it! So tentatively I'm back on my training schedule with 19 days to go before the big race, which sounds good to me. (More C25k ramblings at the end, if you're interested.) 

And now... quote of the week:

"People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents."

Andrew Carnegie

I enjoy this quote for several reasons. First of all, because it comes from such an illustrious source--none other than one of our historical "Captains of Industry." I don't know... I just really like taking statements that, on the surface, have absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, and applying them. For this one, however, I'll have to re-write it slightly: "People (namely Old Briy) who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity to be fat, no matter how impressive their other talents." 

And that's really how I used to feel. I sort of gave up on being able to motivate myself for long enough to see any real change, and I had pretty much accepted that I'd be fat indefinitely. I wasn't content with it, because it made me actively unhappy on a regular basis. But I did a lot of justifying and made a lot of excuses. I figured I had a lot of "other talents" that were more important than wearing a bikini. But for me, having lost some weight is an accomplishment in itself, but it's not the only thing. I'm more proud that I put my mind to something I'd previously thought was impossible and DID it. 

So, once again, happy Tuesday! I hope you have a GREAT week!

Aforementioned C25k Planning Ramblings: 

I'm considering declaring myself graduated from the C25k program... I really wanted to finish it in an official sort of way, but I've run 30+ minutes four times now, so I feel like I've achieved the primary goal of the program. Week 6 was the last week I completed according to the schedule, and now that I feel comfortable running the 30, I don't want to back-track... Especially because I have a sneaking suspicion I'm not running a full 5k in 30 minutes. I don't know how fast I'm running, but I don't think it's the race pace I've tried out on the treadmill. I'd planned, last Saturday, to do my run on the actual race course, but then I couldn't do it at all. So this Saturday I'll make a point to do it and see where I stand. 

Either way, I'm going to try to bump up my running time to 36 minutes in the next three weeks. My goal is to finish in 35 minutes. I'm also going to try to pay closer attention to my pace... I'll start out slow still, because the first ten minutes are always hardest for me. Then I'll try to consciously speed up for the second ten, if possible, then let off for the next 10 minutes, and then finish strong.

I figure, if I run every other day until the race (and then leave a 2-day buffer before the big day), I have 8 more runs. (Eek! That doesn't seem like many at all!) So here's my schedule: 

May 1,3: 32 minutes

May 5,7: 34 minutes

May 9,11: 35 minutes

May 13,15: 36 minutes

May 18: RACE DAY!

HYC #6: How long should I try?

I'm starting out by saying a super-big THANK YOU to all you lovely people for your kind and supportive comments. Crappy weeks are inevitable, I suppose, but they've never been more bearable than since I joined the HYC and met you!

And a special thanks to Marianna, who gave me my first ever blog award! Thanks a million for thinking of me, girl. :) 

I feel pretty cool! Which is good--I needed a boost, because this was not exactly the week of the century. It's been sucking on a lot of fronts, which I need to work through for my own benefit-- So if you don't want to read about my being ravaged by soft serve ice cream, or if you're looking for motivation, you should probably skedaddle. :)

Oh, but first, I'm passing the Good Chat Award along to Bikinime and Happy--just because they're neat people. 

I started the week off on the right foot on Sunday... I did a long (33 minute) run, which felt great. I went to the gym on Monday morning and ate well. Monday was our school field trip, to the butterfly and insect expo. I should mention that this would have bored me even if I COULD have understood any of the signs, but it bored me soooo much more since I didn't really know what was going on. I had fun hanging out my kids a bit, and broke up a fight between one of my smart-ass middle schoolers and four high-schoolers, but mostly I just wanted to go home. I walked around all day, which was good exercise, but I was really exhausted when I finally got home around six, so I ate the rest of the pasta I'd cooked on Sunday for my students (which was, let's just say, more than a serving) and a bowl of cereal and went to bed. Not the healthiest dinner option. Yesterday I woke up with a mild grade headache that didn't go away all day, through 4 classes, so I knew there was no way I could go jogging right after school as I'd planned. I took a couple of tylenol and laid down at 6, and didn't wake up again until 9pm. (I also ate not one but two ice cream cones, a pair of cheese sticks, and a pastry, which turned out to be my dinner.) My head was a little better then, but I woke up covered in sweat and feeling shaky, so I decided to just let my body have the rest it obviously needed, and went back to sleep. I woke myself up coughing throughout the night last night, and woke up ten hours later this morning with a sore throat, so I decided not to go to school today, which means no running or gym today either. 

This is disappointing for me, as these are the first workouts I've missed in over a month, but I'm not going to let it take on epic proportions. My body obviously needs the rest to fight off this funk, and a few days off is fine if it helps me avoid being sidelined further. I'll hit the gym and do a C25k run Thursday and Saturday, which will mean I still do three of each, which is good. I just wish I hadn't been sabotaging myself with all of the eating. I caught myself thinking this morning that I was eating another bowl of cereal because I couldn't stop myself. But that's not true, and sadly, I know it. I'm overeating lately because I want to. I don't really want to, but if I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it. It's my choice, and these days, I'm consistently choosing the momentary satisfaction of the ice cream cone(s) over the end-of-the-day pride of three vegetables. And lately I've had easy excuses--being depressed over my crappy review, feeling sick... But there'll always be an excuse if I'm looking for one, I know that. I'm going to give myself more strict goals for May, like I did for March, because that worked well. But I'm going to try to ease back into my eating healthy habits before then. It'll be easier, I'm sure, when I'm not sick anymore. 

Here's a TMI question for you... Is it weird that it's been 35 days since the start of my last period? That was one thing that really screwed with me this month. I've never kept track of my periods, just let myself be sort of unpleasantly surprised when they appeared each month, but last month I actually wrote down the date and tried to predict. So when I started to feel crappy about a week before it was supposed to start, I assumed it was PMS, and ate accordingly (ha!) Then it just... never came. I can be entirely positive that I'm not pregnant, and I don't think I've ever missed a period before... A friend suggested it might be weight-loss related, so I figured here was as good a place to ask as any. Sorry if you're grossed out. :) 

I suppose that's about it. But because it's Tuesday, I'll conclude with the quote of the week: 

"How long should I try? Until." 

I hope you're all doing far better than I am, and have a wonderful week! ~hugs~

where's the wagon?

eta: If you're interested in seeing more pictures, or curious about my shitty Thursday review, see my other blog. :)

So remember, just three short days ago, when I was so excited about turning April around, and had such a positive attitude?

Where is that girl?

Thanks to all you cool people who wanted to join the challenge I proposed, but after a big professional disappointment (aka, getting reamed in an evaluatory meeting by a jerk) on Thursday, I've spent the past couple of days in bed with a bag of chocolate, only getting out to get ice cream. Okay, it wasn't quite that dire, but needless to say, I haven't exactly been turning April around. Actually, my new April goal is just to make it through April and stay under 180. I'll kick into high gear again for May, but I think I need a little break. The one thing I haven't let slip in the past week is my exercise--I had four amazing runs this week, including running 33 minutes straight yesterday and today. So I'll keep up intense exercising and training for the 5k (28 days), because in truth I've actually really been enjoying it.

It's starting to get hot here, and I managed to find a pair of Korean shorts that fit (awesome). I actually bought a slightly smaller pair than I first tried on. They're a little tight, which is good, because it'll keep me from gaining any weight, and they'll last longer. (They were $30, which I feel was a good investment, as I now only possess four skirts that fit. All of my pants are too big.) But I won't try to be perfect for the rest of April. I'll just weigh in every few days to make sure I'm maintaining at least, and that I can still fit in these new shorts on May 1, when it's go-time again. And I feel okay about this decision. So I'm sorry that I can't lead the April revolution, but I'm just too drained. Thursday made me want to go home to America, or die, or both, so I just need to focus on making it through April alive and under 180 pounds.

Here's a pretty cool action shot of me playing basketball with my 9th graders on Saturday. Hint: I'm the one not wearing a school uniform. lol.

Here's a picture of the new shorts. You can't see them well, but you CAN see the awesome injury I sustained on my left knee while playing basketball with my students. This is me chopping an onion while making lunch for a couple of my students who came to visit me today.

Couch to 5k Update:

I guess this was week... 6? I did the 5-8-5 on Monday, then 8-5-8 on Tuesday on the treadmill. Wednesday I did the two intervals of 10 minutes. Thursday was a rest day, and then Friday I crawled into bed right when I got home from school, so I didn't do my workout. I'm sure it's probably not healthy, but lately my longest runs have been punishment runs, and Saturday was no different. I was supposed to do 25 minutes, but I ended up doing about 33, and it was... surprisingly nice. I wish I knew how far I was actually running... Next weekend I'm definitely going to walk to the actual race route and see how long it actually takes me. I did another 33 minutes today, and I was impressed with myself. I even added a one minute finish line sprint at the end, after which I wanted to throw up and pump my fist in the air (at the same time). I didn't do either.

HYC #5: Ode to the treadmill TV

Is it Tuesday morning already?

Usually I don't compose these entries until evening, but I've had a schedule change at school, and now I don't teach on Tuesday mornings, so I guess I'll just be ahead of the game.

This week has gotten off to a pretty good start. I was successful in bouncing back from the gain, mostly. I ate a few more sweets this weekend than were ideal, but I never felt an overwhelming compulsion to eat them in bulk... just a couple of cookies on Saturday and a drumstick-style ice cream cone on Sunday. (And I only ate that style because I couldn't find a little soft-serve cone anywhere. Grrrr.) But yesterday morning I was back on track for sure... at the gym at 6am doing weights and sprints. I ate well yesterday, I think, but felt queasy. I think lunch just didn't agree with me (Korean-style fried fish and a pretty spicy soup). Yesterday was the first time in awhile I wasn't genuinely EXCITED to do my C25k run, since I didn't get home until 5pm. I briefly considered not doing it, but there was no real chance I wouldn't. Yesterday's intervals were 5-8-5 minute runs, and they went fine. I was really blah after the first 5 minute run, as always, but once I got into step the 8 minute run was pretty good, and I could have continued. I finished the last 5 minute run just before I got home, and the little cool-down walk around the block felt really nice. I was proud of myself for having done it, and it took away any temptation for sugar-loading. We've had a roll cake in our fridge for the past two weeks, and it calls my name everytime I come in the kitchen. I actually opened the fridge to eat a slice at one point last night, but grabbed an apple instead at the last minute, then just got into bed. Sleeping is the only time I'm completely safe from cravings.

This morning the pre-TOM semi-funk continued. When the alarm went off at 5:40, I just did NOT want to get up. I'm not sure why--I slept a solid seven hours yesterday. And I didn't have to get up... this isn't actually a weight-lifting day. I just like doing my cardio in the morning because it gives me a little extra energy and helps keep me honest on the food all day. So I hit the 5 minute snooze button twice, but then I rolled out of bed. And like I said before, there wasn't really any possibility I wouldn't go, although I let the thought cross my mind. I guess exercise really has become a habit now, and I felt like it would have thrown off my day not to do it. It was inevitable that I would go, so I did. I was just going to repeat the 5-8-5 on the treadmill, but there was a volleyball game on TV (YES! hot Korean guys in short shorts!) so instead I decided to push it with 8-5-8. And it was great. I felt really awesome when I finished, I was completely awake, and I got a little endorphin push. I'm at school now, and I feel great... accomplished and ready to tear into my to-do list. Hopefully the funk has passed for good, and the scale will help by moving in the proper direction again.

I figured out, I think, why I was so frightened at the prospect of my current weight loss system breaking down. For better or worse, I've lost the past 59 pounds without counting calories... or fat grams, or points, carbs, or anything really. (I guess I counted servings of things, generally.) I would've liked to count calories, but it simply wasn't an option here in Korea. I'm not even sure what exactly I'm eating 40% of the time (animal? vegetable? mineral?). How many calories are in a piece of dried, salty seaweed (김 - a staple of Korean food, and one of my favorite things)? And even when I knew what I was eating, I couldn't really find any reliable nutritional information on it. So I started trying to eat according to the hunger scale (something I read about in The Complete Idiot's Guide to Nutrition, which I recommend). The basic idea: Pay attention to your stomach. Only eat when you're at a 0 (actually hungry), and stop eating when you're at a 5 (satisfied), and before you're full (7) or overstuffed (9). And I tried to eat a vegetable and some protein at every meal, fruits for snacks, and a little less white rice at each meal. And this system has been working really well for the past 6 weeks.

I knew I probably need to eat a bit more when I upped my exercise, so I've been trying to follow my stomach's cues... but real hunger and fake (I-want-chocolate) hunger are sometimes difficult to discern. I read an article (I think on Sparkpeople) recently that warned that some people will eat (too much) more if they start doing cardio, and then won't lose weight. Those people were called, I think, "compensation eaters," and compensating for the expended exercise energy by eating more limited their weight loss. So yeah, I guess I'm just worried that I don't really KNOW how many calories I consume each day, and if just going on hunger stops working, I'll have to come up with a new plan.

But whatever, I'm sure it'll all be fine. All this running will get me in good cardiovascular and health shape anyway, which is what's most important.

I've decided that Tuesdays, aside from a brief HYC check-in, will be days when I try to focus on motivation... building or maintaining it. So in honor of that, quote of the week:

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." - Wayne Dwyer

I had to Wikipedia Wayne Dwyer too (a self-help coach), and he's not quite as illustrious as Anne Sullivan, but I like this quote a lot nonetheless. I suppose this continues last week's theme, about choices, but it deals with responsibility, which I think is one of the most important things to think about while trying to lose weight, and one of the most difficult things to come to terms with.

A friend of mine made a really excellent entry in her private blog recently about the topic of responsibility, and it got me thinking. Thankfully, this isn't an issue I struggle with. I'm (almost painfully) aware of how I got fat... I ate a lot, and I didn't exercise. Sometimes I overate for emotional reasons, but just as often I did it because I was bored, or because I just really LIKE Mexican food, and felt that eating the equivalent of three meals would give me 3x the joy of eating one. And deceptively, it seemed to, in the short term. In the long-term, it obviously caused other problems. But I don't blame Taco Bell (or McDonald's, for that matter), for selling unhealthy food in huge portions. I'm not sure anyone in this day and age can claim ignorance of how fattening a Big Mac is, or the fact that they need to eat vegetables to survive. The fact is, I became overweight (obese, actually) by patently ignoring society's warnings and my own good sense, for whatever reason.

The quote from Dwyer seems a little harsh... I wouldn't say it, in so many words, to anyone I knew was trying to lose weight. But I might want someone to say it to me. Because it's true. Maybe our parents didn't help us by providing good role models, or teaching us to cook healthily. Maybe magazines didn't help by only showing us super-skinny models we could never possibly hope to look like. But I was the only one putting food in my mouth, so in the end, it was my responsibility. Just as it's my responsibility get myself healthy now. So maybe, whether I like it or not, it really is that simple... "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself."

I hope you all have an excellent and motivated week (and none of you are miserable)! I can't wait to read all of your updates! :)

eta: Damnit, I just ate like 6 little dark chocolates. And it was my own fault.

eta #2: Damnit, I also ate a white-bread sandwich my students made for me. (Lunch #2?) I haven't seen a white bread sandwich in so long, I couldn't help it. It jumped into my mouth! (Denial.)

eta #3 (LAST edit!): I just ran THIRTY MINUTES STRAIGHT on the treadmill. I was only intending to do 10 to make up for the sandwich, as this is usually just a fast walking day, but Law and Order: SVU and Pirates of the Caribbean were on the treadmill TV. 15 was no big deal, so I decided to do 20. Then once I'd done 20, I figured I'd just go ahead and do 25. And then I'd finished 30. According to the (probably wildly inaccurate) treadmill reading, I did 4.5 km. YES!

Couch to 5k: Week 5 (in summary), and a Weigh-In

First, I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who commented on my last post, and to whichever lovely people recommended it for the Healthy You Challenge page. It feels pretty cool to see my name in big letters somewhere other than here, so thank you very much!

And it's good, I suppose, that I had such a nice ego boost, since I certainly didn't get one from the scale this weekend... ~groan~. This is the first week since March 1 that I've seen a gain (only 0.9 pounds, but still), and it was a rough blow to be dealt after splurging the previous weekend but feeling like I'd been almost perfect for the rest of the week. Even if I'd just maintained, that would have been great, but a gain....? You've got to be kidding me, I said aloud, to no one. I ran a 15 minute interval on Sunday, 20 minute intervals on Tuesday and Friday. I also ran every other day, in case you were curious. And I ate on plan. How could this happen?

It definitely felt like a betrayal. I decided to move forward immediately, of course... I didn't go on a "take THAT, scale!" binge like I've done in the past. (I've commented on far too many little gain disappointment blog entries supportively, and I'm finally learning to take my own advice.) I have a really important to decision to make this weekend, so I'd already decided to wake up at 5am and hike my local mountain, and I'm pleased to say that despite this setback, I was out of my house at 5:15 and on top of the mountain by 6:15. I'd vowed not to come down until I'd made a decision, and I did just that, on the way up actually, and I feel much better about the future now that it's made. It was hanging over me like an axe, but now that it's finished, I feel at peace the way I haven't for a few weeks.

I came home, took a nice long shower, and did a few household things before taking a really satisfying nap. I also had a surprise visit from two of my favorite students, who I took out for pizza, and didn't have a single slice myself. (Where is this self-control coming from?) But now that I've sat down to blog, I'm trying to come to terms with this week's weigh-in so I can put it behind me completely. (I'm also going out with a friend who loves to eat out and snack tonight, so I want to be in a good head space when he arrives.) I'm trying to reassure myself that there seem to be two possibilities... 1) This is just a minor fluctuation, due to the impending arrival of TOM next week; or 2) Despite being on plan, I've been eating too much.

I want to believe it has to do with TOM, so I'm going to give it two weeks and see if those pounds don't come off after he leaves. I think this is most likely, and I refuse to start panicking that my plan has stopped working yet. I'm sure I'm not eating more than I have been for the past few months, and I've upped my exercise a LOT, so I have to believe this will all sort itself out. I'm not sure why a plateau at this weight even scares me so much... I mean, I was ready to stop completely 12 pounds ago, before March Madness. The way I looked in February was such a drastic improvement over how I'd looked one year before (see progress pictures) that it seemed good enough for me. And I've lost even more weight, and at least one pants size, since. I've gotten too small to wear any of the pants I own comfortably (and because I live in Korea, I can't easily get new ones)... so thank God for spring and the elastic waistbands of my skirts. Even if I didn't lose another single pound before going home in July, I will have become a runner, run my first 5k, and am in better shape than I've probably ever been in my adult life. And I feel good.

I guess the progress has just been so amazing these past six weeks that for it to come to a screeching halt like this, especially after a pretty good week, is a little scary. But I'm FINE. This is probably just a flukey week, and even if I have another TOM-inspired flukey week next week, I'll be down on April 26. I'm sure of it. If not, I'll just have to come up with a new plan. It's NOT a big deal. I can do this. I'm just going to keep making the right decisions, one at a time, and not worry about the scale, like I said I would. I'm going to focus on training for the 5k in (eek!) 36 days, and record my NSVs, and as someone else put it... keep on keeping on. I'm proud of myself for rebounding from American buffet weekend so resiliently, and I'm especially proud of myself for the awesomely long runs I put in this week. And I'm excited to do more next week!

This quote is another in keeping with the theme of my last post about motivation, and I really love it:

"Perseverance is not one long race; it is many short races one after another."

Walter Elliott

This week I'm going to focus on the little things. I've got to, with TOM cravings coming. I know I can beat this.

HYC #4: 20 minutes!

Hello everyone! I can't believe it's already Tuesday again. And I can't believe this is already my fourth week in the HYC... I feel like I've been here forever. It's great! 

First, a quick goal review: 

1. Eating three vegetables and one fruit a day is proving to be pretty easy, except during this past weekend of doom. No matter- I'm back on track and I'm determined to just keep looking forward. 

2. Reading is going wonderfully! I finished Cloudstreet and absolutely loved it. I've since started Michael Chabon's Wonder Boys, and thankfully, it's just as captivating. I've struggled a bit recently with temptation to binge at night when I'm not busy, so having this new added item to my to-do list, especially something that I enjoy doing, was a great decision. 

3. I haven't missed a blog entry yet.

In summary, I've earned 5 out of a possible 7 stickers, which has made my calendar very pretty, and I'm well on my way to number 6/8 tonight. 

Couch to 5k is going phenomenally. I talked about my surprise 15 minute run on Sunday, and I've just been on fire since then. I think I've become addicted to jogging. And I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, that's one of the better addictions I could possibly have. And it's not as if I've become an exercise-holic, forcing myself out of bed at the crack of dawn and doing 4 hours a day... I've just really enjoyed my last few runs. Monday I did the first Week 5 run, which wasn't too big a deal. It was supposed to be 3 5-minute intervals separated by 3 min. walks, but I pushed myself and did 5 5-minute intervals, and it actually felt great. The weather is warming up wonderfully (highs in at least the 60s all week!), and it's making these runs so much more fun. Today was meant to be a rest day, but I couldn't stay away, so I went to the gym this morning before school did the same 5 5-min. intervals on the treadmill. And after school I was feeling a little stressed out, and all I wanted to do was get out there and slap the pavement, so I did. 

I think the weather is one of the primary reasons for these runs being easier, but it's also definitely been better since I started listening to my music. I'll be forever indebted to Robert Ullrey for getting me through the first four weeks, when all that glancing at my iPod would have made it impossible, but with these longer intervals, it's easy to just create playlists. And today I decided to give 20 minutes a try. After Sunday's successful 15 minute run, I knew I was capable of doing the 20, but I wasn't sure I'd really feel up to it once I got started. But my worries were unfounded-- True to form, after the first song I was ready to quit, and the second song too, but then I told myself I had to at least finish #3. So I did. But then I figured I might as well finish #4 too, because that was only 16 minutes total, which is not much more than I did on Saturday. And then, hell, I only had one more song to go, so I went ahead and did the whole 20. And I could have kept going, but once again I let myself stop once I'd reached the goal I'd set for myself, and basked in the glory and the sunshine all the way home. It's a wonderful feeling to know that I know I can do that 20 minute run on Friday, and if I'm addicted to something, it's these endorphins! I finish every run feeling like a million bucks, and I love it. 

I need to do Week 5, run 2 (two 8 minute intervals) tomorrow, but then I really am going to force myself to take Thursday off. I'm in love with running, but I don't want to injure myself and get sidelined. I'm feeling confident about being able to finish the 5k (in FORTY days), and I'm loving that I'm actually enjoying my workouts. They're hard, but they feel good, and I'm so ecstatic when I finish. 

I'm not sure if I already mentioned this, but I took the advice that some wonderful commenter gave me (remind me if it was you!) and I've turned my weight training sessions into circuit training. Every two exercises, I hop on the treadmill and jog for 2 minutes, and it's great! I was starting to get frustrated with weight training, since I seldom managed to break much of a sweat and I got bored and distracted easily. I worried that adding the jogging in would make the workouts too long, but in fact they've shortened them. Before, I tended to take unnecessary lengthy rests between sets, and sort of meander around, but now I'm much more focused. I stretch between sets and move with a purpose. I feel like I'm getting a real workout. It's a great feeling. 

From the numbers standpoint, I succeeded in losing another two pounds last week, but I won't know how much damage I did in my dessert bingeing this past weekend until I get on the scale Saturday. I also have a feeling TOM is coming up, so I need to brace myself for a frozen scale despite all the hard work I'm putting in. It's proven easier than I imagined to break the scale's hold of me. Having it out of sight (and out of my room) has curbed almost all of my impulses to hop on it at random times, and I think it's good for me. I need to be focusing on habits, rather than numbers, nowadays, and this is a step in the right direction. 

---

The inspiration for my assignment of the week came from this Sparkpeople article, called "Seeing is Achieving." You can probably guess, from the title, what the gist of it is. It's not news to me that bombarding yourself with positive images is a great way to stay motivated. Some of the science in the article is new to me, but not particularly interesting. I've been telling myself I'm going to make a visionboard, as they call it, for ages, but now I'm finally getting around to doing it. If I were in America, I'd probably be doing it old style--cutting up magazines, printing out pictures, sticking them to posterboard--but since that's not an option, I'm going to create a virtual visionboard in a blog entry, which I can reference anytime I have internet access. I compiled a huge list of motivational quotes today and typed them up to print out, so tonight I'll cut them up and start sticking them everywhere. I'm riding an awesome motivation high right now, but with TOM coming, I want to be prepared.

Okay, that's about it. I'll link to my visionboard on the sidebar as I work on it. And if you have visuals that you use, comment and link them to me! I'm looking for ideas. :)

What I Wouldn't Do for a T-Shirt

... nothing. 

Hi there! I actually have quite a bit to report today, but I'm pinched for time, so I'll have to make this short and sweet. I'm happy, however, that I'm making an entry, rather than just going to bed, which is what I really want to do. I have to leave early in the morning to catch a flight, and I'm getting up even earlier so I can do my last C25k Week 4 run, but since blogging regularly is one of my April goals, I'm going to stick to it, particularly this early in the month. :) 

So I did my second week 4 run, and I think it was a little easier than the first time, but that might just have been because the weather was much more pleasant. I wasn't fighting against a strong headwind, which was nice, and the weather was a balmy 52 degrees, so I wore shorts and got down to business. I still didn't enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed previous weeks, but I think I hit something of a stride at one point, despite having to run uphill a bit, and I wasn't completely miserable the whole time. Plus, I just always feel so strong and confident after I've run... like I could do anything. It's a really great feeling. I did two extra runs on the treadmill this week, because I felt like it, and also just sort of testing out how my legs would feel, and they still feel great, which is a relief. I knew I wouldn't be exercising this weekend, so I figured I would front-load my cardio before weigh-in day. I didn't realize how much easier it actually was to run on the treadmill, particularly this morning, when I did the week 4 intervals at almost race pace on the 'mill, and felt about a hundred times better than when I do them outside. 

Speaking of races... I've decided to do the one here in Korea. It seems like fate that it takes place just one week after I finish the Couch to 5k program, and since I found out that I DO get a t-shirt (YES!), I'm going to go ahead and do it. I also found out that the 5k is almost entirely flat, whereas the accompanying 11k and 22k are up a mountain. What kind of psycho would run up a mountain? One of my fellow teachers drove me along the 5k path today, and it looks okay. Plus, I have an hour to do it, so even if I can't run the whole way, I should be able to finish in an hour. But I'm feeling positive--I CAN do it. And I'm going to get a t-shirt, and it's going to be awesome. That's that! 

Recently I've been inspired by a friend to make myself a weight loss bible. She received a few years worth of fitness magazines from a friend, and she's combing through them, putting articles with helpful stuff in a binder, along with other things she writes for herself, etc... So I've decided to do the same, mostly with articles I print out from Sparkpeople, and inspirational quotes and pictures, etc. Usually, when I'm feeling tempted to eat unhealthfully or skip a workout, it helps me to look at other weight blogs or my own progress, so I figure compiling it into a book I can carry with me anywhere, even when I don't have internet, will be good. And I'm finding some good stuff on Sparkpeople that gives me inspiration for working through some of my emotional and weird eating stuff, so it's nice. I'm going to give myself an assignment from something I find in there every week. This week's was about making a contract with yourself to help identify and combat your excuses, and it was really good. 

I'd intended to type up what I wrote, but I don't have time tonight, so I'll make a note to do it Sunday, and I'll link to the article too, so if you're interested, you can check it out. 

Lastly, I'm going to be out of town for weigh-in day, so I'm going to go ahead and do it one day early tomorrow morning (Friday). This is pretty nerve-wracking for me, for a few reasons. This is the first time I've ever succeeded in staying off the scale for a full week (well, 6 days 'cause of early weigh-in), and while I feel it was good for me in a lot of ways, it also puts a lot of pressure on tomorrow's number. When I was weighing daily, I had an idea of the direction I was heading in leading up to Saturday, but this is going to be all-at-one cold turkey. So I'm nervous. Even though I've said I'm going to try not to focus on the numbers this month, I'll admit I'm still hoping to see a nice drop (at least a pound), because I've been really good this week (lots of stickers). But if it's not there, I'll regroup and focus on the NSV. And I won't eat everything in sight this weekend, no matter what. 

Woo. Wish me luck. :) And good luck to all of you! I hope you're off to a GREAT start in April! 

Couch to 5k: Week 4, Day 1 and April Goals

Thank you for all of your kind congratulations, and especially for your workout recommendations. I'll be tapping into those for next week... I'll let you know how it goes!

Today I did my first Week 4 run for C25k, and let me tell you, it was ROUGH. Rougher than I thought it would be, although I knew there'd be a big difference between running 3 minutes and running 5 minutes. The weather wasn't ideal, as it wasn't too cold but very windy, and I'm pretty sure I was running directly into the wind for 3 out of 4 intervals, which was... difficult. I got a little out of breath, but other than that, it was mostly okay. I only felt a little pain in my lower legs, and it faded shortly after I noticed it, which made me happy. I definitely can't say that I enjoyed today's run... although I guess maybe I sort of enjoyed it... once it was already over and I had a nice peaceful walk back to my house for twenty minutes. It's funny, right after I finished I was thinking "oh God, that sucked. I'm so out of shape. Week 5 will kill me." But by the time I got home I'd already attained a more rose-colored view of the experience. That'll probably help when I'm psyching myself up to do it again Wednesday.

Wednesday I intend to do a few extra intervals, because I know I need all the help I can get to be ready for Week 5. I know week 5 is a lot more intense, but I don't dare look at exactly how much more intense yet... Better to make it at least two-thirds of the way through week 4 first. This morning's weight training was exciting because I sucked it up and did squats for the first time. Actually, I tried to do them once, my first session, and I was so paranoid about not being able to do it properly that I quit. Plus, it was inordinately more difficult then that I found it today, for reasons unbeknownst to me. This morning I knocked three reps of 12 out, two with weights, and it felt good. I'd been doing lunges for the past two weeks, and while I definitely feel the burn with those, they feel a little too unsteady for me, whereas squats done right feel like the steadiest exercise in the world. Stumptuous convinced me they're the best workout ever. I love that website! I'm a little concerned that I didn't feel sore today. I'm hoping I'll wake up in at least a little pain tomorrow. If not, I'll up the weight on Wednesday. I'm too scared to use the barbell, which might be part of my problem... so I just use dumbbells, but I can't find any demonstration videos with dumbbells, so I'm improvising. Does anyone have any recommendations?

I don't think I mentioned this... but last Thursday I busted my ass playing basketball. Thankfully I didn't do more damage, but I skinned the hell out of my knee. We play on a thin layer of sand/dirt over concrete, so when one foot slipped, the other knee slid on the ground. It was caked with dirt at first, so I didn't really know the extent of the damage and I kept playing, but then about 5 minutes later one of the boys stopped dead and pointed at my knee, horrified. I was bleeding pretty good, including one lone drop that had slid all the way down to my ankle and dripped on my tennis shoe, which now looks like a lost Law and Order prop. I cleaned it up, and it hurts, like a skinned knee does, but I'm just really relieved I didn't bruise it up too bad that it would hurt to run. But it looks pretty gross tonight. I don't have any Neosporin, so I'm thinking about just going into the Korean pharmacy, pointing at my knee, and saying, "What?" We'll see.

Hmm... there was one more thing. Oh yeah... I'm in love with the Oprah magazine. A friend lent me a copy (from like, November 2006, I think) to read on the train back this weekend, and I fell in love with it. I don't watch Oprah's show, but I mostly like her in principle, and I think the mag's great. I've never really been a magazine reader, at all. I sort of shunned magazines, I think, because I felt like I should be reading a book... but then I discovered that what I can like about a good magazine is that it has a little bit of everything--fashion, beauty, books, current events, etc. I realize O is not Newsweek, but I never claimed to be a real intellectual, and I need some opportunities for light reading in my life as much as the next girl. Anyway, one of the articles in the November 2006 issue was by a social scientist who described how he sets 3 new goals every month (based on the age-old belief that you can form a habit in 30 days). Anyway, something about this really resonated with me, and since it's the very last day of March, I'm setting three goals for April. And unlike my March goals, these will be non-numerical, and not all about weight loss, because while I don't mind my life being consumed with healthiness (which in fact affects all areas of our lives), I don't want to just be obsessed with getting into a bikini. I think what most appeals to me about this is that I can do it every month for the rest of my life. I'm very much a work in progress, and pride myself on the fact that I'm always (at least) trying to improve myself... but this seems like a very systematic way to go about it, which I like.

So, my April goals:

1. Read 50 pages a day on weekdays, and 100 pages on weekends. One of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 was to read 50 books this year, and so far, it's going... okay. But, I'd like to be more systematic about it. Plus, I think setting aside at least the 30 minutes to an hour I need to read these pages each day will be good de-stressing me time. And, it'll help keep me busy on calmer weeknights, when I often struggle with snacking.

2. Blog on a regular basis. When I don't blog, it's not because I don't want to, and usually not because I don't have anything to say... Mostly I just don't make time for it. Up until now, it's been relatively low-ranked in importance on my to-do list, but this month I'm bumping it up to see how it goes. I really enjoy being able to look back, and I think I'll particularly want to have this for when I leave Korea (in 3 months, eek!).

3. Eat at least three vegetables a day (ideally one at each meal) and one fruit. You'll note that this is my only nutrition-related goal, which is intentional. I think I need to give myself some time to adjust to the changes I made in March, so I'm not going to push myself too hard during April. Theoretically doing Couch to 5k three times a week is a habit I already formed last month, so I'll continue that, and continue focusing on eating the right foods in proper amounts, but that's as far as I'm going toward quantifying this month. My new clothes I just bought in January already don't fit, so it'd be okay if I slowed down until I can get back to America and actually buy new ones. :)

Time to read! I'm starting Tim Winton's Cloudstreet tonight. I hope you all feel as good as I do!

p.s. The music on Robert Ullrey's week 4 C25k podcast is really bad (for me)... almost bad enough for me to stop complaining and actually figure out how to make my own podcast.

Couch to 5k: Week 3, Day 3 and 55 POUNDS!

I'm not writing this entry right after I finished the run, as I'd intended, but two days later. But I'm writing it, which is what's most important, I suppose.

My last week 3 run was also uneventful, which is good. I came home late from work, and had plans to meet friends for dinner and the like, so I had to rush, but I never felt tempted to put it off until Saturday, and I didn't dare try to tell myself I'd do it later, because it was cold as hell at 5:45pm and I knew it would only be worse after dinner. I had only exactly 30 minutes, so I just did the program once through normally. I'd intended to add an extra interval or two on the end, like I did on Wednesday, to make sure I was ready for 5 minutes during week 4, but I didn't have time, so I applauded myself for making time for my workout and rushed in to take a quick shower. It wasn't too hard, but it also wasn't too easy, which I guess is the idea.

My sweet tooth got the best of me after dinner on Friday night, so I ate a little more sugar than I felt good about... especially since the night before (Thurs) was cake for my host father's birthday. But I woke up early on Saturday morning, around 7:30, with the brilliant idea to head to the gym and get a nice run on the treadmill in before leaving for the weekend. T's birthday was the Tuesday before, so we were heading out to visit another friend to celebrate, and I knew that pizza and ice cream were in my immediate future, so I wanted to get a good workout in beforehand to help stave off the desire to overeat. And man, I was feeling pretty good about myself... I stretched and put on my runners and was just walking down the stairs, looking forward to a nice hard run in the heated gym, when I realized that the gym doesn't open until 9 on Saturdays. D'oh!

My disappointment was boundless. But I couldn't, of course, strip OFF my workout clothes and climb back into bed, so I had no choice but to go for a nice run... outside. It was cold, and it sucked, but I was glad I did it. I didn't do C25k again. I listened to my own music and just alternated running and walking each song. I figured I still had the whole weekend to recover, so I wasn't too worried about hurting my legs, but I was pretty careful. I didn't have any pain, and I'm feeling fine now, so it was a success.

Eating this weekend, however, was not. It was a lot better than it might have been, something I'm proud of, but it didn't go entirely according to plan. I brought a bottle of orange juice as my snack on the train, because it was my healthiest option at the store, and it helped stave off starvation until we finally sat down to eat around 2pm. I was just going to order the salad bar, but then A's host mother decided to buy the pizza, and I was sort of expected to eat it, so I did. (That's not a good reason, but it's not entirely a lie. Korean people are weird about not eating food they've prepared or procured for you.) So I started off well, with fruit from the salad bar, but then started in on other things... like pasta salad. Ouch. Then I had a little bit of spaghetti. Then I obliged by eating the three (thin, but three) slices of pizza put on my plate, which wasn't a good feeling. Cola, too, although not nearly as much as I used to drink.

I wasn't even aware of how much I'd actually eaten until I didn't get hungry... for the rest of the day. The friends wanted KFC for dinner around 8, but I didn't even want it. I would have liked a chicken burger (it would have been delicious), but I wasn't hungry at all... the only thing I wanted was a fruit or vegetable to make me feel less gross about lunch. But those were nonexistent at Korean KFC, so I just skipped dinner. I'd apparently had plenty of calories at lunch, because I didn't get hungry until this morning. This was an amazing revelation, because I'm so used to eating when everyone else eats that I've never even imagined skipping a meal because I'm not hungry. The old me would have eaten a chicken burger anyway... not paid attention to my stomach saying "Nope, we're good, thanks."

And somehow I did it again this morning. I was really hungry when I woke up, so I had a granola bar. Then, we were planning to go to a bakery for breakfast, where it would have been easy for me to just get something small (or nothing at all), but instead we ended up eating with A's host family. And surprisingly, it was a delicious Korean breakfast... complete with all my favorite foods. So I ate too much. Not way too much, but enough that I wasn't hungry for lunch. I bought an apple before we left, because I knew I'd be on the train at lunchtime, but it's now almost 7 and I still haven't eaten it. I'm getting hungry for dinner, which is a good feeling.

It's been really nice, the past few weeks, packing snacks and eating normal regulated meals, and generally feeling more in control of my eating habits than I ever have, so this weekend was sort of an upheaval. But a good experience. And I didn't binge on sweets, so I feel pretty okay about it. I've already cut up carrots and strawberries for tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to the structure. I do have a three-day conference coming up this Friday, which means more temptation and another break from my system, but I'm hoping I can do better than this weekend.

And the most exciting news... I achieved my March Madness goal! To review, I'd been hovering around a plateau for a couple of months, so on March 1 I decided my goal would be to really kick it into high gear and try to lose 10 pounds before March 31. And at yesterday's weigh-in, I discovered I'd done it, with two days to spare. I now weigh 179.5, which is actually 10.1 pounds less than I weighed on March 1. AWESOME! Even better, I feel like I accomplished it in a sustainable way. It also meant a new HYC badge! (I think maybe I'm inordinately excited about that, but I don't care!)

March 1: 189.64
March 8: 186.8 (-2.8)
March 15: 183.7 (-3.1)
March 22: 182.8 (-0.9)
March 30: 179.5 (-3.3)

I managed to stay off the scale for the past 4 days, since I asked my host mom to hide it, and I think it was good for me. I'm going to try to weigh in only once a week from now on, although I hid the scale myself, so the temptation will be stronger. I'm not going to try to lose another 10 pounds in April... in fact, I'm going to try not to focus on weight loss as much as before, but rather on cementing and building my new healthy habits. I'll admit that I'm still looking forward... and realizing that even if I only lose 5 pounds a month during April, May, and June, I can be in the 160s when I go home! (And hopefully, thanks to the weight training, ready for a bikini.) My muffin top is definitely shrinking, anyway.

Eek! Another long entry. If you're still reading, I have a request... Can anyone out there in blogland recommend some new workout songs? I usually use hip hop and R&B, but I'm willing to expand my horizons as long as it's got a good beat. The TVs on my treadmills only show Korean TV, so I'm very reliant on my iPod, but I'm starting to get a little tired of my current mix. What do you bop to? Thanks! :)

Couch to 5k: Week 3, Day 2

As I've really enjoyed being able to read about other people's Couch to 5k runs, I've decided to make at least a brief post after each of mine. This is mostly because I imagine myself, just 6 short weeks from now, having run 30 minutes straight, looking back at my pre-endurance hijinks and having a good laugh. 

Actually, today's run was pretty uneventful, at least on the hijink front. It went really well, which made me happy. I had a chance to run in 56 degree weather at 2:40 when I finished at school, but I felt the beginnings of a headache coming on and decided to take an advil and an hour-long nap. I worried, briefly, right before falling asleep, if I'd wake up without the gumption to do it, but when I finally woke up two and a half hours later, my headache was gone and I was still gung-ho, although the temperature had dropped to 49. I think I needed the sleep though. I woke up this morning at 5:40 to hit the gym, and although I slept about 7 and a half hours last night, something was up. I think I'm fighting a cold.

So I stretched, strapped on my kicks, and headed out a little after 5. I didn't have any lower-leg pain/strange feelings during my first interval, which was unusual but very pleasant. The first 3 minutes were a little hard, but by the second three minute interval I was starting to hit my stride, and although it was a little uphill, it wasn't too bad. I felt like I could have continued. I had a brief debate with myself about whether or not to do a few more intervals--mostly I try to balance my desire to see what I can do and get a little extra cardio in (ice cream cone today shh, don't tell) with my fear of pushing myself too hard. But I felt really good, and I was still 30 minutes from home, so I decided to go again. I intended to just do the first 90 seconds and 3 minutes of running, but then I felt so good that I just did the whole program again! I didn't think it was possible for me to enjoy running, especially when I'm pushing myself, but I sure did today! (Too bad I can't bottle this feeling for Week 4, Day 1, when I want to die.) I even did an extra 90 seconds at the end of my last 3 minute interval, for a total of 4 and half minutes--my longest run yet. 

The only other excitement was the lewd looks I got from the technical high school boys because of my shorts. I HATE running in pants, and my legs, because they're busy, don't usually get cold, so I wear shorts and a windbreaker, which is anathema to Korean people. They just can't handle it. I was standing next to a little Korean girl and her Mom at a stoplight right after I finished my fourth 3 minute interval. The little girl asked me, in Korean, "Aren't you cold?" I declared it a win because I understood her, and reassured her that I was definitely not, in fact, cold.

Someone (I'm terrible because I can't remember who) wrote in their blog about how nice it is to follow the C25k program... just to relinquish the worries and control and do what someone tells you--and I couldn't agree more. I take it a step further by using the podcasts--all I do is put on my iPod and walk outside... coolrunning.com and Robert Ullrey do the rest (Thanks, Rob!) And so far... *keeping my fingers crossed* it's working. We'll see how I feel after my first 10 minute run. :)

I've been aware, all this time, that by choosing to do the C25k program by time rather than distance, I might not be running fast enough to really be training for a 30 minute 5k, but I've sort of been ignoring that fact for the past 3 weeks. I mean, for me it will be an accomplishment, and a great cardio workout, to run 30 minute straight at any speed, and I'm not trying to win the 5k... just finish it. But as I don't really have a good way to measure distances here, I was sort of at a loss for how to remedy the situation. I know I could run on the treadmill, but I've also read horror stories of 1.) how wildly inaccurate the treadmill information can be, and 2.) how poorly that prepares you for actually running the same distance outside. But, yesterday I realized that I could at least get an idea of how fast I'm supposed to be running on the treadmill, and gave it a try... cautiously I'm going to say it doesn't seem that fast. Certainly faster than I've been running, and certainly faster than I'll be running when I have to run a lot longer, but not a million times faster than I've been running, which was my #1 fear. So I figure once a week I'll do one set of intervals on the treadmill, as close to PACE speed as possible, and see how hard it is. That's the plan, anyway. 

On a semi-related note... there's a lot of things I don't like about my gym. 1. They don't have any elliptical machines. 2. The treadmills, despite having instructions on how to raise the incline, don't actually incline. 3. The trainer is really cute, but doesn't speak English, so he mostly just ignores my bad form, and sometimes makes fun of me. 3. At the most convenient hour, the gym is populated entirely with young attractive college-aged Korean guys, who I'm sure take no notice of me, but who intimidate me and make me really self-conscious about sticking my butt up in the air properly during One-Arm Dumbbell Row. Thus, I've taken to going at 6am, which is super-early. 

In conclusion, my Korean gym is nothing like the gleaming, high-tech LA Fitness I had a membership with in Orlando. (I never actually lost any weight when I had that membership, but still...) Today, however, I decided there's one thing I really like about my gym. It's on the third floor, and the first floor is... a bridal shop. (There's also a convenience store--the only one in my town with knock-off Doritos, which is not ideal.) So every time I walk into the gym, I pass a display window with a beautiful bridal gown on a typically Korean-sized (0) model. Her rib cage is, I would estimate, smaller than my thigh. At first, I sometimes found this depressing, but lately I've been taking it in stride, because I just really LIKE looking at wedding stuff, despite my current dearth of boyfriends. And whenever I don't feel like exercising, I look at that dress (it changes about once every two weeks) and think... I don't necessarily need to get in shape to find someone to marry, but I certainly want to be in shape when I get married. I want to be proud of myself, and have pictures I will love looking at. So nowadays it's a boost, rather than a constant reminder of how skinny Korea is. 

And in another news, I'm taking a break from the scale. I'd been contemplating staying off until Saturday, just to see how not weighing in daily works for me... but I couldn't do it. Although I moved it out of sight, I still routinely grabbed it and stepped on it, sometimes 3 times a day. I'm not obsessed with it, and the multiple numbers don't usually affect me negatively (or much at all), but I just didn't like the compulsion, so I tried to remove it. Last night I asked my host mother to hide it, and at first she was just really confused. I pantomimed me getting on it multiple times, with adverse emotional effects, and I think she understood. It's gone, anyway. It's been gone for almost a full day, and I'm not going crazy yet. Only two more days, and then we'll be reunited. 

Wow, this entry ended up being much longer than I thought it would be. Hope you're having a nice day!  

Couch to 5k: Week 3, Day 1

I woke up this morning hoping to see a big drop on the scale, thanks to TOM's departure yesterday, and while it wasn't as big as I'd hoped, at least it went down. What I'd really like is to not get on the scale again until March 31st, but it's so hard for me... I can try putting it away somewhere inconvenient, but if it's sitting there I'm going to step on it... sometimes three times a day! I'm not scale-obsessed... I don't think I have an unhealthy relationship with it. I'd just like to try being away from it for 7 days (OMG 7 days until the end of March Madness!) and see how it works. I think weighing daily is best for me--it keeps me accountable on a daily basis, whereas when I tried weighing weekly I'd eat poorly one day and tell myself I'd make it up before Saturday... which as you can imagine, just didn't work. But I think I'm really focused on the number now, which is bad, and I'd like to take a step back. Maybe I'll carry it upstairs and put it in my suitcase in my host parents' bedroom. Then I can't access it anytime I want, and I'll hopefully stay away for a week. It might be best for my mental health. 

Today I successfully completed my first Week 3 C25k run, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. The longest interval was 3 minutes, two times, and I was nervous about it, but I did both of them. I'm not sure why it was so hard--I used to pretty routinely do 6 and 9 minutes. But I think I'm running faster nowadays than I was then, although I have no real way to test that theory. I ran to the local university, and then further than I usually do. It was a beautiful day--sunny and just a little too windy, and even when I started to get queasy towards the end of the three minutes, I was genuinely happy to be doing it. 

I guess I really do want to be a runner. My Dad's been a runner for about twenty years. (He was painfully chubby, from what I hear, all through school.) But then he discovered running, and it's his pet exercise. All my life he's wanted me to be a runner, but I just thought there was no way I could do it. I had zero endurance, even when I played softball, and my chest was so big, even in high school, that I had to wear two sports bras to avoid knocking myself out. It just didn't seem very conducive to my being a runner. 

But somehow I became one. I guess before I discovered my local gym, and when I wanted to exercise and explore at the same time, jogging was the best way to do it, so that's what I did. I'm amazed now at how ballsy I was... it was so hot in Korea in August that I flounced around in my spaghetti strap tank tops (over my two sports bras), drawing stares all around my small town. I've lost weight since, but I don't think I'd dress that way now! I just really liked being out of my homestay and having a lot of time to think. I was going through a lot, emotionally, during those first few months of adjusting, and the jalking (jogging and walking, but mostly walking) was just what I needed.

And now I guess it really is a habit. I was honestly looking forward to the challenge of a new C25k week today, and I'm excited to see how much better I can do on Wednesday. Today I was still quite a ways from home when I finished, so I did one more set of the interval (90 seconds running and 3 minutes running), to bring the total running time to 13.5 minutes. It was hard, but felt good when it was finished, and I figure any little bit of endurance-building will help, especially once I get to the middle weeks. The fact that I'm now training for something, and following a plan, has helped immensely. I'm running less, actually, that I probably was when I would go out and just wing it every day, but I feel better about it. It feels better to do three focused runs with specific goals in a week than forcing myself to go out 6 times and just sort of doing my thing. 

Plus, I'm soooo excited to surprise my Dad this summer with my ability to run a 5k. He's been understated about my weight loss, probably out of a desire to be tactful and not say the wrong thing. And he's just not a very effusive guy. But I think he'll be really impressed about this, and I'm really happy about that! It's one of the many things I think about while panting and trying not to think about the time.