My favorite workout tracks, and treating yourself efficiently...

Okay, there were a few things I wanted to write, and I've only got 27 minutes, so I'd better get cracking!

First off, kikimonster at Taking Chances made a post about motivational tunes for working the cardio. I too have recently found myself bored with the selection on my iPod, so I'm going to give a few of her suggestions a try. We seem to have similar tastes, as I gravitate to high-energy, often hip-hoppy tracks. That was why I did so much bitching and moaning about the first few weeks of C25k podcasts... I can't run to techno. Sorry, techno.

So, here's my offerings. Maybe you guys can gave us some more recommendations?
1. Kanye West: "Jesus Walks" - I'm not a huge Kanye fan, and parts of the lyrics in this song bother me, but it's been on various workout playlists for years, because something about the deep bassline makes it so good for heart-pumping activity. "Golddigger" is good too.

2. Interpol: "Evil" - This actually isn't particularly fast-paced, and definitely isn't hip-hoppy, but I just love it to pieces. It's got a good beat to bop your head to, and when it picks up in tempo it gives me that little burst to keep going.

3. The Killers: "When You Were Young" - "Mr. Brightside" is good too, but I just think this song is awesome.

4. Phil Collins: "Invisible Touch" - Come on, this song is just amazing. Catchy, peppy, fun. Makes me want to shake my butt a little.

5. Rain: "I'm Coming" - This is one of two Korean songs on the list, which is sort of required, 'cause I live there. Rain, however, qualifies as an international super-star. He had a part in the Speed Racer movie, not that I saw it, and he's smoking hot. Don't believe me? Check out the video for this song. It starts out slow, I know, but about a minute in when the song starts... Wow. Really, go. Right? Told you! Try doing some of those dance moves. Now that's cardio! Anyway, yeah, it's mostly in Korean, but it's got a great tempo, and there's awesome parts where he like, raps in English. Available on iTunes. Go go go.

6. Wonder Girls: "I'm So Hot" - I repped this song and video a while back, but I'll do it again. Ridiculous, but so catchy! So terrible! So Hot!

7. Roisin Murphy: "Ruby Blue" - Credit actually goes to my awesome sister for telling me about this song. It's funky and different, but I like it a lot.

8. Damien Rice: "Coconut Skins" - I basically love Damien Rice. I love everything he's ever done. Not familiar? Maybe you know "The Blower's Daughter," that awesome song from the movie Closer. But his songs are typically pretty slow, this being an exception.

9. Nelly Furtado: "Maneater" - It's for real impossible for me not to shake it a little while listening to this song, and the lyrics make me feel all awesome and sexy.

10. T.I.: "Top Back" - This song is awesome because everytime I listen to it, I hear a new line that shocks and appalls me. But for whatever reason, it's a good running song for me. Very rhythmic, and the lyrics distract me from the pain in my lungs/legs/will to continue muscle.

11. Flo Rida: "Elevator" - Fact: I love Flo Rida. And not just because I'm from Florida. Another quick, awesome song. The video's funny too, if you're so inclined.

12. Pussycat Dolls: "Wait a Minute" - Actually, most songs by PCD have the same effect on me (because they all sound the same?) I wouldn't listen to them if I weren't heaving for breath, but it works for me.

So, those are some selections from my playlist, but I need to freshen it up. Come on! :)

More importantly, I read Dietgirl's awesome guest post over at Limes and Lycopene today, and it really got me thinking about my treat habits. It's an awesome article all around, but especially the first piece of advice, about identifying which treats you really love. Sure, I like baked goods, and salty stuff, and ice cream, cheese, and any chocolate, etc. I even binge on bran flakes! (Though this might be just the comfort of American food.) And if they're there, I'll eat them. In bulk. That's how I got this fat. But I don't need them. (Duh.) I don't even desperately crave all of them, though. And how many times have I, like Shauna, eaten something because it was offered to me (or just because it was there), and at the end been like... really? That wasn't even that good! What a waste of calories! Then I'm furious with myself, because it was such a mindless move. So she suggests making a detailed list of those foods that we really do love. That really are worth the calories. That we actually can't live without. Then, somewhat obviously, we have to miniaturize our portions of them. Then we can still have our treats, and they can stay in the calorie count. Genius.

So what can't I live without?
1. Chocolate coconut cake donut. Yeah, I'd eat almost any donut (except the Green Tea chewisty), but this is my very favorite one. It's like, an orgasm in every bite. That good. Cake, brownie/chocolate, and coconut all in one. Delicious. And like, 600 calories or something. I don't even want to look. Okay, I'll look. 370 calories, 21g of fat. But no trans fat! And 3g of fiber! I know, it's like a health food. Ah well... once a week, if I budget for it in the calories and run.

2. Soft serve ice cream in a sugar cone. This is a big reversal, because I actually never really loved ice cream. And I definitely wasn't partial to soft serve. I was an eat out of the tub of Moose Tracks kind of girl. But in this respect, being in Korea has changed me. Now I really really like ice cream, and the nice thing about the cones is that they're self-contained. You can't order two, because the first one will melt all over you while you're eating the first. (Okay, it might be possible to eat them simultaneously and fast enough, but that's just ridiculous. [I'm trying it, for scientific purposes, of course.]) While I was on vacation in America, I tried some of the lower-fat Breyers' varieties, and they were surprisingly good. Just like regular, and much fewer calories. Cool.

3. One more... I guess I really like cookies. Sugar cookies from Publix, specifically. Homemade chocolate chip. I've been on a peanut butter cookie kick lately, but they're not my favorite. These are the most dangerous for me, because it's really hard to eat just one. If I force myself to get my donut and eat it IN the Dunkin Donuts, which I usually do, there's no compulsion to go back up to the counter and order another one. (Okay there is, but I can fight it.) But cookies... especially in America where you buy them by the 3 dozens from the Publix bakery, it's sooooo hard not to eat 12 at once. Will I ever be the kind of person who can have a box of those in the house? Maybe not. But if that's what it takes to stay thin... so be it.

So thank you, Dietgirl. You've given me a lot to think about. Today was a good example of my struggles with treats and snacking. I'm doing really well at meals these days. Mostly, I've just resigned myself to eating what's put in front of me, which is usually really healthy. I force down the spicy vegetables, stomach the rice, hope that the "protein" is something tasty (today was octopus. It has tentacles, for God's sake. The taste isn't so bad, but the consistency'll get you.) And when I do go out with friends for a meal, I just try to make a decent choice, and don't feel compelled to also eat at home for family's sake. But snacking is still my problem.

Today at school some parent showed up with like 20 boxes of assorted cookies and cake things, most of which are not even that good, for all of us teachers to share. I would have been fine if I just didn't go over to where they were, but first co-teacher brought 3 over to me, and then the vice principal demanded that I come to the communal table area and sit with all of them, and people kept handing me another little package. I'm like... really? Yeah, I could have begged off after one without being rude, but it was so hard! I managed to keep it to... 3 pieces of taffy, two little chocolate-cakey things, a little red-bean/rice-cake cake, and some other thing that was totally gross. But I was just so mad when I finally quit. That was probably at least 500 calories right there, and they weren't that good at all. Definitely not worth it. But as a compulsive snacker for so long, if it's there, and I'm close to it, I'll eat it. But I don't need that crap to make me happy anymore. Not eating it is what makes me happy now. Eating it just makes me feel... crappy. So yeah, leave me alone, Korean people. Don't call me over to your tasteless carb smorgasbord. I'm on a mission.

Dinner was also so-so. A little rice fried with cabbage, and half a (pan-fried?) porkchop. A fitting culmination to that little snackfest. But whatever. Next time I'll do a better job of steeling myself against it. I'll remember how this felt. And I did some extra running tonight which felt surprisingly good. I was just supposed to walk, but I decided to intersperse running with walking. And because I was only running for 5 minutes at a time, I was actually able to go substantially faster than my endurance/long-distance snail's pace. Worked up a good sweat, and got over my guilt about the red bean cake. Gross. Tomorrow's a new day, right?

Oh, here's the picture of my celebratory ring, and the best face picture I've taken since I discovered the Photobooth application on the Macbook. (I love you, Apple.)

How many calories are in a roll of cough drops?

That's the question of the week, anyway.

I don't have a whole lot of insight tonight. This week was another tumultuous one, with plenty of ice cream. The good news, if there is some, is that I think I've actually made myself sick of ice cream for awhile. Today's three cones may have accomplished that.

This morning I had my biggest disappointment of the month, and it wasn't scale-related at all. I went to bed on Thursday night feeling fine, and woke up Friday morning with a scary twinge in my back. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt, and I found myself without a frame of reference. It continued to hurt in a low-grade but painful way all Friday, especially when I bent over to tie my shoes or pick something up. This morning I woke up at 6am with every intention of going running, even though the weather has recently taken a cold turn again, and it was, in fact, 49 degrees and drizzly. My back was feeling pretty bad during my warmup walk, and I managed to run exactly one song before I came to terms with the fact that it was not, in fact, going to loosen up and feel better, and I limped home feeling cold and miserable and bad for myself. I hadn't run since last Saturday because of the cold, and all I wanted was to have a nice long workout, but my body had betrayed me. And with the 5k t-minus 22 days away, I was really frustrated and upset.

My first part-time job was at a pretzel shop in my local mall, where I worked for about 3 years. I was really close to my boss, C., a 50 year old lady with two kids and a terrible husband. She came to my high school graduation, and I used to go to her house after work sometimes and have a beer. I went back to visit her at the shop when I came home from college usually, but I hadn't seen her for a year or so, then I went to Ireland and Korea. When I was home in January I stopped by and found out that she didn't work at the pretzel place anymore. I tried to call her at home, but I didn't get her, so I just figured I'd give her a call when I came home for good. But she died last week.

We were really close when I worked there, but I hadn't seen her in almost a year. I didn't cry on Friday when I found out, but I started thinking about it and crying this morning as I was limping home. It's proof that I'm maybe a selfish jerk, because I didn't start crying for her until I was in physical pain myself, but I think I just didn't know how to feel about it. I'm upset that I didn't try harder to get in touch with her while I was home. I'm sure she didn't miss me terribly-- she was thirty years older than me and had two kids of her own, but she did a lot for me, and meant a lot to me, and I didn't tell her that recently.

I finally got my period, and maybe that's why I feel like I'm on such an emotional roller coaster, but I don't really know. I just feel like I'm treading water lately... treading water while trying to eat a lot of ice cream. And now the one thing that had been going really well, C25k, is postponed indefinitely until my back stops hurting. I called my Dad, who is a veteran runner and an expert on back pain, and he just told me to take ibuprofen and go easy on it until it's better, probably less than a week. I'm mad that I'm not controlling myself. I'm mad that I can't run. I'm mad that people die.

The sad thing is, I got on the scale on Thursday morning and saw a really great number. It was my low for the month, and I was starting to feel hopeful that I could still pull out a good month, and then I found out about C. and my back betrayed me. I don't want to believe I've lost it all--all that self-control and all those positive healthy changes I made during March, but the evidence is mounting, and not in my favor. Of course I was successful... until it got hard.

My to-do lists are piling up, and I don't even care. I came home on Thursday and Friday and went straight to bed, from about 6pm to 5am the next morning. I need to plan two lessons tomorrow, but instead I just wish I could sleep all day.

HYC #6: How long should I try?

I'm starting out by saying a super-big THANK YOU to all you lovely people for your kind and supportive comments. Crappy weeks are inevitable, I suppose, but they've never been more bearable than since I joined the HYC and met you!

And a special thanks to Marianna, who gave me my first ever blog award! Thanks a million for thinking of me, girl. :) 

I feel pretty cool! Which is good--I needed a boost, because this was not exactly the week of the century. It's been sucking on a lot of fronts, which I need to work through for my own benefit-- So if you don't want to read about my being ravaged by soft serve ice cream, or if you're looking for motivation, you should probably skedaddle. :)

Oh, but first, I'm passing the Good Chat Award along to Bikinime and Happy--just because they're neat people. 

I started the week off on the right foot on Sunday... I did a long (33 minute) run, which felt great. I went to the gym on Monday morning and ate well. Monday was our school field trip, to the butterfly and insect expo. I should mention that this would have bored me even if I COULD have understood any of the signs, but it bored me soooo much more since I didn't really know what was going on. I had fun hanging out my kids a bit, and broke up a fight between one of my smart-ass middle schoolers and four high-schoolers, but mostly I just wanted to go home. I walked around all day, which was good exercise, but I was really exhausted when I finally got home around six, so I ate the rest of the pasta I'd cooked on Sunday for my students (which was, let's just say, more than a serving) and a bowl of cereal and went to bed. Not the healthiest dinner option. Yesterday I woke up with a mild grade headache that didn't go away all day, through 4 classes, so I knew there was no way I could go jogging right after school as I'd planned. I took a couple of tylenol and laid down at 6, and didn't wake up again until 9pm. (I also ate not one but two ice cream cones, a pair of cheese sticks, and a pastry, which turned out to be my dinner.) My head was a little better then, but I woke up covered in sweat and feeling shaky, so I decided to just let my body have the rest it obviously needed, and went back to sleep. I woke myself up coughing throughout the night last night, and woke up ten hours later this morning with a sore throat, so I decided not to go to school today, which means no running or gym today either. 

This is disappointing for me, as these are the first workouts I've missed in over a month, but I'm not going to let it take on epic proportions. My body obviously needs the rest to fight off this funk, and a few days off is fine if it helps me avoid being sidelined further. I'll hit the gym and do a C25k run Thursday and Saturday, which will mean I still do three of each, which is good. I just wish I hadn't been sabotaging myself with all of the eating. I caught myself thinking this morning that I was eating another bowl of cereal because I couldn't stop myself. But that's not true, and sadly, I know it. I'm overeating lately because I want to. I don't really want to, but if I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it. It's my choice, and these days, I'm consistently choosing the momentary satisfaction of the ice cream cone(s) over the end-of-the-day pride of three vegetables. And lately I've had easy excuses--being depressed over my crappy review, feeling sick... But there'll always be an excuse if I'm looking for one, I know that. I'm going to give myself more strict goals for May, like I did for March, because that worked well. But I'm going to try to ease back into my eating healthy habits before then. It'll be easier, I'm sure, when I'm not sick anymore. 

Here's a TMI question for you... Is it weird that it's been 35 days since the start of my last period? That was one thing that really screwed with me this month. I've never kept track of my periods, just let myself be sort of unpleasantly surprised when they appeared each month, but last month I actually wrote down the date and tried to predict. So when I started to feel crappy about a week before it was supposed to start, I assumed it was PMS, and ate accordingly (ha!) Then it just... never came. I can be entirely positive that I'm not pregnant, and I don't think I've ever missed a period before... A friend suggested it might be weight-loss related, so I figured here was as good a place to ask as any. Sorry if you're grossed out. :) 

I suppose that's about it. But because it's Tuesday, I'll conclude with the quote of the week: 

"How long should I try? Until." 

I hope you're all doing far better than I am, and have a wonderful week! ~hugs~

6 things you probably didn't know about me...

First off, I was tagged by the lovely Holly to do this, so I must oblige. Here's the rules...


Rules of the game:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
5. Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.

I've been thinking hard about my seven random/interesting facts, and it perplexes me that I must just not be that interesting! Ah well, here goes.

1. I've been living in South Korea since July 2007. I was awarded a Fulbright grant to teach English, so that's what I'm doing, at two very rural schools in the Southwest. I have a total of about 180 students, and I love them to pieces.

2. Before I moved to Korea I lived in Cork, Ireland for a little under six months, working for a non-profit organization devoted to ending homelessness-- the Simon Community. I worked in the Emergency Shelter, and it was easily the hardest thing I've ever done. I think it traumatized me a bit, and made me sure that social work wasn't for me. But I'm really glad I did it, because it was a real experience.

3. I love movies. A lot. I especially love really bad horror movies, but I'll watch pretty much anything that isn't a completely vapid romantic comedy. Going to the movies is my favorite date, and possibly my favorite pastime. I've seen 64 Korean movies in the past 9 months, which is, what? Just under two a week?

4. I've known since I was in kindergarten that I wanted to be a teacher. Not sure what it is... but I used to line my stuffed animals up at makeshift desks and lecture to them when I was tiny. I'm sure part of it is that I like to hear myself talk, but I also really like helping people, and seeing that first flicker of understanding when it starts to make sense. My career goal consists of teaching, probably high school, for the rest of my life.

5. I really want to write a novel. I wrote and finished my first real story during sophomore year of college, in my first Creative Writing class. I was majoring in Literature at the time, because I loved reading, but I knew I wanted to be a writer, and I think perhaps I was just waiting for someone to tell me I was good. Well, my first professor did, and I promptly changed my major to creative writing. But... I'm a writer who can't write without a deadline. I dutifully churned out two more stories in the next two workshops, but other than that, I haven't been able to produce more than a page with no assignment looming over me, despite the fact that I've been out of school almost a full year now. I'm currently trying to figure out if I'll be able to motivate myself, or if this is just a pipe dream.

6. I really love hip-hop music, for reasons I can't even really understand. I always have. It's strange, since I can't really identify with anything in the lyrics, but I love it. I love singing and dancing along to it. It gets me moving. But aside from hip-hop, lyrics are the most important thing to me in music. I used to read lyrics on the internet before I heard the music, and it was always a big disappointment for me when the music wasn't as good as the lyrics. I also like jazz.

7. Umm... I'm a 22 year old virgin.

I'm tagging: R Runner, HappyBlogChick, Cammy, Bikini Quest, Sybil, Valerie, and Marianna. If they want. :)


Now, let's get serious. What do two medium-sized soft serve cones, a mini snickers bar, half a pastry, a chocolate bar, and a donut hole have in common?


That's right, they all went in my mouth last night. Sigh, something is amiss with me, and I'm going to contemplate it further while pumping iron this morning, but I felt compelled to admit it. I also pulled out the scale this morning, and I'm not going to beat myself up, but the number I saw is definitely helping me to recommit to having the rest of a perfect April, TOM or no TOM. I'm feeling complacent again, so I need to get serious. I'm not stopping here.


My exercising hasn't fallen off at all, which is a victory. I just need to get the eating back under control and stop justifying unhealthy snacking. Off to the gym.

Couch to 5k: Week 5 (in summary), and a Weigh-In

First, I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who commented on my last post, and to whichever lovely people recommended it for the Healthy You Challenge page. It feels pretty cool to see my name in big letters somewhere other than here, so thank you very much!

And it's good, I suppose, that I had such a nice ego boost, since I certainly didn't get one from the scale this weekend... ~groan~. This is the first week since March 1 that I've seen a gain (only 0.9 pounds, but still), and it was a rough blow to be dealt after splurging the previous weekend but feeling like I'd been almost perfect for the rest of the week. Even if I'd just maintained, that would have been great, but a gain....? You've got to be kidding me, I said aloud, to no one. I ran a 15 minute interval on Sunday, 20 minute intervals on Tuesday and Friday. I also ran every other day, in case you were curious. And I ate on plan. How could this happen?

It definitely felt like a betrayal. I decided to move forward immediately, of course... I didn't go on a "take THAT, scale!" binge like I've done in the past. (I've commented on far too many little gain disappointment blog entries supportively, and I'm finally learning to take my own advice.) I have a really important to decision to make this weekend, so I'd already decided to wake up at 5am and hike my local mountain, and I'm pleased to say that despite this setback, I was out of my house at 5:15 and on top of the mountain by 6:15. I'd vowed not to come down until I'd made a decision, and I did just that, on the way up actually, and I feel much better about the future now that it's made. It was hanging over me like an axe, but now that it's finished, I feel at peace the way I haven't for a few weeks.

I came home, took a nice long shower, and did a few household things before taking a really satisfying nap. I also had a surprise visit from two of my favorite students, who I took out for pizza, and didn't have a single slice myself. (Where is this self-control coming from?) But now that I've sat down to blog, I'm trying to come to terms with this week's weigh-in so I can put it behind me completely. (I'm also going out with a friend who loves to eat out and snack tonight, so I want to be in a good head space when he arrives.) I'm trying to reassure myself that there seem to be two possibilities... 1) This is just a minor fluctuation, due to the impending arrival of TOM next week; or 2) Despite being on plan, I've been eating too much.

I want to believe it has to do with TOM, so I'm going to give it two weeks and see if those pounds don't come off after he leaves. I think this is most likely, and I refuse to start panicking that my plan has stopped working yet. I'm sure I'm not eating more than I have been for the past few months, and I've upped my exercise a LOT, so I have to believe this will all sort itself out. I'm not sure why a plateau at this weight even scares me so much... I mean, I was ready to stop completely 12 pounds ago, before March Madness. The way I looked in February was such a drastic improvement over how I'd looked one year before (see progress pictures) that it seemed good enough for me. And I've lost even more weight, and at least one pants size, since. I've gotten too small to wear any of the pants I own comfortably (and because I live in Korea, I can't easily get new ones)... so thank God for spring and the elastic waistbands of my skirts. Even if I didn't lose another single pound before going home in July, I will have become a runner, run my first 5k, and am in better shape than I've probably ever been in my adult life. And I feel good.

I guess the progress has just been so amazing these past six weeks that for it to come to a screeching halt like this, especially after a pretty good week, is a little scary. But I'm FINE. This is probably just a flukey week, and even if I have another TOM-inspired flukey week next week, I'll be down on April 26. I'm sure of it. If not, I'll just have to come up with a new plan. It's NOT a big deal. I can do this. I'm just going to keep making the right decisions, one at a time, and not worry about the scale, like I said I would. I'm going to focus on training for the 5k in (eek!) 36 days, and record my NSVs, and as someone else put it... keep on keeping on. I'm proud of myself for rebounding from American buffet weekend so resiliently, and I'm especially proud of myself for the awesomely long runs I put in this week. And I'm excited to do more next week!

This quote is another in keeping with the theme of my last post about motivation, and I really love it:

"Perseverance is not one long race; it is many short races one after another."

Walter Elliott

This week I'm going to focus on the little things. I've got to, with TOM cravings coming. I know I can beat this.