And a special thanks to Marianna, who gave me my first ever blog award! Thanks a million for thinking of me, girl. :)
I feel pretty cool! Which is good--I needed a boost, because this was not exactly the week of the century. It's been sucking on a lot of fronts, which I need to work through for my own benefit-- So if you don't want to read about my being ravaged by soft serve ice cream, or if you're looking for motivation, you should probably skedaddle. :)
Oh, but first, I'm passing the Good Chat Award along to Bikinime and Happy--just because they're neat people.
I started the week off on the right foot on Sunday... I did a long (33 minute) run, which felt great. I went to the gym on Monday morning and ate well. Monday was our school field trip, to the butterfly and insect expo. I should mention that this would have bored me even if I COULD have understood any of the signs, but it bored me soooo much more since I didn't really know what was going on. I had fun hanging out my kids a bit, and broke up a fight between one of my smart-ass middle schoolers and four high-schoolers, but mostly I just wanted to go home. I walked around all day, which was good exercise, but I was really exhausted when I finally got home around six, so I ate the rest of the pasta I'd cooked on Sunday for my students (which was, let's just say, more than a serving) and a bowl of cereal and went to bed. Not the healthiest dinner option. Yesterday I woke up with a mild grade headache that didn't go away all day, through 4 classes, so I knew there was no way I could go jogging right after school as I'd planned. I took a couple of tylenol and laid down at 6, and didn't wake up again until 9pm. (I also ate not one but two ice cream cones, a pair of cheese sticks, and a pastry, which turned out to be my dinner.) My head was a little better then, but I woke up covered in sweat and feeling shaky, so I decided to just let my body have the rest it obviously needed, and went back to sleep. I woke myself up coughing throughout the night last night, and woke up ten hours later this morning with a sore throat, so I decided not to go to school today, which means no running or gym today either.
This is disappointing for me, as these are the first workouts I've missed in over a month, but I'm not going to let it take on epic proportions. My body obviously needs the rest to fight off this funk, and a few days off is fine if it helps me avoid being sidelined further. I'll hit the gym and do a C25k run Thursday and Saturday, which will mean I still do three of each, which is good. I just wish I hadn't been sabotaging myself with all of the eating. I caught myself thinking this morning that I was eating another bowl of cereal because I couldn't stop myself. But that's not true, and sadly, I know it. I'm overeating lately because I want to. I don't really want to, but if I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it. It's my choice, and these days, I'm consistently choosing the momentary satisfaction of the ice cream cone(s) over the end-of-the-day pride of three vegetables. And lately I've had easy excuses--being depressed over my crappy review, feeling sick... But there'll always be an excuse if I'm looking for one, I know that. I'm going to give myself more strict goals for May, like I did for March, because that worked well. But I'm going to try to ease back into my eating healthy habits before then. It'll be easier, I'm sure, when I'm not sick anymore.
Here's a TMI question for you... Is it weird that it's been 35 days since the start of my last period? That was one thing that really screwed with me this month. I've never kept track of my periods, just let myself be sort of unpleasantly surprised when they appeared each month, but last month I actually wrote down the date and tried to predict. So when I started to feel crappy about a week before it was supposed to start, I assumed it was PMS, and ate accordingly (ha!) Then it just... never came. I can be entirely positive that I'm not pregnant, and I don't think I've ever missed a period before... A friend suggested it might be weight-loss related, so I figured here was as good a place to ask as any. Sorry if you're grossed out. :)
I suppose that's about it. But because it's Tuesday, I'll conclude with the quote of the week:
"How long should I try? Until."
I hope you're all doing far better than I am, and have a wonderful week! ~hugs~
9 comments:
Hang in there girl. I spent four + years teaching English in Japan. I hear and feel your frustration. The only thing I can offer your way is the fact that I can't even remember the names or the details of my equivalent Mr. Jerks now. It sucks really really hard but some day it will fade into the background and all of your hard work your good spirit will still be right there with you.
I know that doesn't help right now... but if all else fails, make a punching bag with his face on it or something. I know how one of the most frustrating things is that you can't even really win if you express your frustration because it considered so impolite and no one gets it. With the punching bag though you will at least get the workout in!
Re: the period thing. Could it be stress? That can make things go haywire some times for me. That, and just the changes in the exercise I would think could do it.
Take the rest you need, your body needs it!! Hang in there, you'll feel better soon and once you get back on track you will feel like your old self again!!
So many things can effect your period, stress, diet, weight loss... Plus if you never really kept track before maybe you never noticed you were late or perhaps occassionally missed one.
Oh yay! My first award!
I'd like to thank the academy ...
Seriously, thank you. I feel very loved right now.
I'm so sorry you are sick - I hope you're feeling better soon. Don't you hate it when your body doesn't play nice with your desire to work out?
The "what I want right now vs. what I really want for myself" issue ... I can relate to that. What has helped me is to recognize that when I am at a point of making that choice, I try to be very AWARE that I'm making that choice. I try to think very hard about the consequences and what the decision means in the big picture. Does this approach always help? HELL NO. But it does give me pause at times. And once I do that a few times and do make better choices, it snowballs and becomes easier and easier. (Never easy, but easier.)
I think a big problem (for me anyway) is that it also becomes easier and easier to make the bad choices. So if you can find a way to stop the snowballing ... and for me that means really THINKING about each bite and why I'm contemplating putting it into my mouth ... maybe that'll help. And, also, telling yourself that it will get easier wouldn't hurt. :-)
Also, mentally congratulating myself for good decisions is a habit I've tried to form. So often we beat ourselves up over bad decisions and think a lot about "could have done better." Lately I've really tried to spend all that mental energy focusing on the GOOD decisions - being my own inside-my-head cheerleader. I think we're taught to downplay our own accomplishments and to feel bad about feeling proud and focusing on what went wrong. Screw that, I say. I'm not saying brag incessantly out loud - I'm saying we should really take joy and pride from each and every good decision we make. When I do that, I feel so GOOD about my good decisions that I want to make more and more and more of them.
Hmmmm, this comment got very long. SORRY!
Anyway, hang in there, hope you're feeling better, and know that we've all been there. I have faith that you'll get back on track as soon as you're healthy again.
And thanks again.
Love the quote!
I wonder if you've hit on something: "My body obviously needs the rest to fight off this funk, and a few days off is fine if it helps me avoid being sidelined further."
I remember a few months back when I was feeling demotivated and unfocused. My body felt so heavy(which okay, it was *G*) and uncooperative. I finally decided it was fatigue and threw in an extra rest day for a couple of weeks. I have no scientific evidence it changed anything, but I was able to move back to 6 days a week without a problem, and my focus came back with it. So maybe these rest days will do the trick!
Hang in there!
Hang in there, girl!
I love your "Dear Self" posts! There is so much truth in them!
Briy, I LOVE your quote. I lovelovelove it. :-)
About the period - I've had HORRIBLE issues with mine. Okay, not horrible issues - but at the beginning of the year I literally skipped two periods completely. Nothing wrong, definitely not pregnant - just no periods. Had a horrible time losing weight too; in fact I gained five pounds back during that process.
The doctor basically said "you're exercising a lot and losing weight and sometimes it happens" and that was it. Your body will try to stop you losing - because remember, its job is to keep us from dying of starvation! - and I think screwing with hormones is one way it tries.
Don't panic...you might need a break and your body may need a rest, like you said. Hang in there and remember we're with you! The bad stuff is going to pass and you'll come out the other side smelling like a rose. :-)
Hugs!
V.
Okay, I can't comment on your letter to yourself for whatever reason so I'll say it here instead -
I love your letter. I swear you could be writing to MY self too...and you do it so well! What a wonderfully clear vision of what's going on with you. I love it. You've got my "inner Jillian" beat all to heck! :-)
You're doing great things and I know you're going to continue to do so. Bravo!
V.
ditto what V said, thanks for writing that. So much more positive than my self-deprecating.
Thanks!
Hope you're feeling better, its a possibility that it could be related.
Post a Comment