a minor setback

ETA: Here's a link to the pictures from the You-Know-What Museum. Don't look if you don't want to be shocked.

I have a lot to report, so let's make this concise and meaningful.

Yesterday was actually a really pleasant day, until last night, when my internet randomly decided to stop working. The laptop no longer recognizes any nearby networks, which worries me. This is perplexing for several reasons, actually... I informed host mom, but first she tried to convince me that it was a problem with the Naju network. I countered with "then why does the upstairs computer work?" She's like, "Oh, right." I asked her to call the company tomorrow, which she might do eventually, but I'm worried that they'll tell me it's something computer-related. Korea is apparently not a very Mac-friendly place (I've heard horror stories), so we'll just have to hope it all works itself out. Not having internet every second of the day at home wouldn't be the end of the world, but it also wouldn't be as convenient. But it would also mean I couldn't Skype anymore, because my headset broke. Plus, it's just not convenient to try to Skype on the family's computer, because the best times to Skype are early morning and late at night. So until it gets fixed, my home internet options are fighting with host brother or paying money to go to PC bang, both of which are not ideal. Oh well, such is life.

So anyway, I've made a decision about the future. Not knowing what was going to happen, and feeling torn in two directions, had been looming over me for the past week, so I knew that what I needed was to buckle down and make a choice. Until I made the decicion, I was unable to get excited about either option (staying in Korea or leaving), because I was too busy focusing on the prospective loss of one or the other. Which was just depressing. But after lots of soul-searching and navel-gazing, I've decided.

But how I decided is interesting, so I'm going to tell you that first. I decided to opt for drastic measures, as anyone who knows me knows I'm wont to do... I decided by playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors." (Just kidding. But that is how decisions are most frequently made in Korea, in case I haven't already mentioned that.) I had committed to making the decision this weekend, but I didn't want it looming over me all weekend, 'cause there were plenty of other things on my to-do list after: "1. Decide life plan." So I decided to hike to the top of my local mountain at 5am the next morning, and not come down until I'd made a decision.

I was out of my house by 5:15 am, and on top of the mountain by 6:15. (It took me about 15 minutes to walk to the starting point.) I brought breakfast and a notebook, so I indulged in a granola bar and yoghurt while starting to make lists. And I won't bore you with my thought processes--I've mentioned pros and cons before. But I've decided I'm going to go ahead and at least try to extend. Like I said in my last entry, I have no idea how likely it is that this will get approved, but I've decided that I'd at least like to ask. This wasn't an easy decision, or one I came to lightly, but it's made, so now I can move forward. As a reminder, this means I can come home for a month in the summer, and then for good probably around early January.

And when I get home in January, I'll move in with Kate for a semester, enroll at UCF full-time and finish my English degree, and work a part-time job just enough to pay the rent. (Or, if I find a great part-time job that will provide enough insurance, I'll just take the one class I need to graduate at UCF and work.) I'll be applying for Teach for America this fall, and I'll start looking into grad schools as well. If I decide I'm not ready to go to grad school yet, or I don't get into TFA (or decide it's not for me), then I'll look for a full-time teaching position in Orlando or possibly Fort Myers, and have plenty of time to do so.

Let me conclude by saying that this decision makes me deliriously happy. I know it's disappointing for some people, and I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I'm almost certain it's best for me. Now, I'll be able to enjoy the next 3 months rather than spending the whole time sad about leaving, and then I can come home for an awesomely long visit during the summer. Then I can come back and have another great 4.5-5 months (it's really only that long, if you can believe that), and then come home to America for good, satisfied that I've done everything in Korea that I wanted to do. (Good co-teacher will have left, all the students I love will have graduated, and I'll be completely ready to leave, I'm sure.) I'll come home, get to live with Kate, and during spring, I'll get acceptance/rejection from TFA and grad schools, and decide to go or stay in Florida for a couple of years. This sounds just about perfect to me. I'm really happy with it.

And, there's always the (not entirely small) chance that Naju will say no to my extending, which I would also be happy with. Then I know I tried to stay, and I can come home satisfied too. It's a great burden lifted to have this decision made, and to be able to just get started on the work of putting it into motion. On today's TDL is creating a Future Action Plan (henceforth, FAP), to get me ready for every possible eventuality. Included in this is, among other things, applying to UCF as a 2nd-degree seeking student and looking into subbing in Orange and Seminole Counties. I'll post the FAP here for your perusal when it's finished. :)

On another note, I'm rocking my reading goal hardcore. I read my allotted pages everyday this week, and finished another book:
11. Michael Chabon's Wonder Boys: This was another 400+ pager. (So was last week's Cloudstreet, so it didn't help me make up any time.) It was number 11, and to stay on track I need to finish 5 more during April, which is unlikely. But I will definitely read two more in the next two weeks, and then I'm sure I can pick up at least one extra, which will mean I'll only be 2 behind. That's my new goal for April. The next few on my desk are much shorter, too. Anyway, as for Wonder Boys, it was... okay. It was compelling enough... the story was pretty interesting. I never got bored with it or wanted to put it down during "reading time." But I didn't think it was phenomenal. I'll put the movie on the list of movies I want to watch when I get back to America, because I like Michael Douglas and Tobey Maguire, but it didn't strike a chord with me the way Cloudstreet did. I'll probably still read his other book, just because I like reading multiple books by any novelist I don't hate straight-off. And perhaps it was the subject matter. I was discussing with Tim how I usually don't like books about writers, and especially books about college professor writers (Richard Russo's Straight Man is one notable exception). I think my biggest problem with the book was that neither character was particularly likeable. An almost revoltingly irresponsible, washed-up, fat, pothead professor is bad enough, but even the student James Leer wasn't that complelling. It irritated me that I didn't know if he was actually a compulsive liar or not, and he just wasn't that interesting... Chabon didn't develop him enough for me to get that into him, and then his perfect little ending seems odd. And the main character's ending seems contrived too.

I already did my reading for today, Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, which I borrowed during the conference--believing, mistakenly, that I'd never read it. I have, but I'm still going to read it again, because for whatever reason, it didn't change my life the way it seems to change everyone else's who reads it. And it's not too long, so it's worth re-reading, and I should be finished with it by Tuesday, which gives me plenty of time to pick up an extra book this week. Cool.

And last but not least... a school update. Thursday and Friday of this week were... okay. Actually, they were pretty annoying, because of this damned demonstration class. It's next Friday, and once it's over, things will return to normal (at least for about a month, until the second one), and I can't wait for that to happen. I've had to do a lot of stupid paperwork, and agonize over and think about this thing a lot more than I wanted to. My co-teacher's really apologetic, but it's not her fault. Nonetheless, I find myself being more snappy with her. It just really threw off my lesson-planning schedule (which had been working so gloriously for the past month), and forced me to lesson plan at home, and get behind, which meant a lot of stress on Friday morning. Plus, then my computer in the teacher's office stopped working, and I had my first serious Mac-Windows conversion problems, all in the 45 minutes before class started. I was not in a happy place on Friday morning. (Note to self: Don't agree to do any demonstration classes next semester.) But my classes were pretty good, including the idioms one, and I got to have my first special "advanced" (quotations because some of the students are advanced) class, with mostly kids who like English, and it went pretty well. This class is one of the big reasons I want to extend, so I'm glad it was fun.

And yesterday I had a pleasant surprise when my favorite cute student (HW) and his best friend randomly showed up at my house for a visit, and I took them out for pizza. They both really like English, and tried pretty hard to ask me questions, which was nice. Case in point, they were doing that weird Korean boy cuddling thing in the booth of the pizza place, but then for my benefit they informed me...

HW: We're not gay.
MH: Yeah.
MC: I don't care. In America, they are lots of gay people.
~15 second pause~
MH: Are you gay?
MC: Yes.
HW&MH ~incredulously~: REALLY?
MC: No.

It was humorous, and got me out of the house for a bit on a really beautiful day, which was nice. Now... I have lesson planning to do (on a Sunday?! thanks a LOT, Demonstration Class!) There's just not enough hours in the day now that I'm exercising regularly, working while at work, having hobbies, and doing housework. But it feels pretty great. Like practice for my real life, my "orgastic future," (thanks, Gatsby) which continues to recede before me.

See you Wednesday! :)