35 Minutes, or Why I Am Made of Win

So today was a surprisingly good day, despite the soft-serve cone I just ate. Or perhaps, because of it. (whoops!)

Started early again this morning... woke up about 5:50 and had my breakfast of bran flakes, then waited 20 minutes and headed out for my run. This is my one long-straight-through-no-stopping-fight-through-it run of the week in the new plan, so admittedly, I was pretty much dreading it. The evidence continues to pile up that, when it comes to cardio, slow and steady doesn't actually win the race; interval training does. Today I even read it in a back issue of my beloved Oprah magazine. So from here on out I'm doing one straight through run for endurance and intervals once or twice during the week. I figure that what I'm really all about is burning as many calories as possible, and training for another 5k, and later a 10k, so all that matters is that I'm running. And besides, all those articles I read in Runner's World talk about the importance of incorporating "speed work" into your runs, so maybe I'm doing myself better this way. I never imagined I'd do "speed work," was always solidly in the "just finish still breathing" category, but this is the new plan.

And so far... it pretty much worked. The goal for these Sunday long runs is to build up by a very slow and manageable one minute per week. That way, by the time I leave Korea I'll be running about 50 minutes straight, which should (hopefully) be the 5 miles I've been trying to work up to. Then from there a 10k won't be too much more of a stretch. I've pretty much given up on ever being a longer-distance runner, but I've now got my sights set squarely on a walking marathon, like the Moonwalk. It's in Edinburgh, Scotland, and if I don't get TFA, you can bet I'll be there next June. I've always wanted to go to Scotland, I want to walk a marathon--perfect combination.

So for today's run, the goal was 31 minutes, and I basically demolished that. No, but I did run 35 minutes, which felt pretty awesome. I always love reading about other people's thought processes while running, but I particularly enjoyed Bikinime's recent analysis. But today especially I did a little better job of paying attention to my own head, and my breakdown goes something like this.

Minutes 1-2 Ouch, wtf, why do I run? Okay, it's not so bad.

Minutes 3-10 Piece of cake. CAKE? WHERE?

Minutes 11-20 This sucks hard. I should just quit. Power-walking is just as good an exercise, and it's easier on the knees, and it, well... sucks less. Oh shut up and run, self.

Minutes 21-30 This is when my magical time happens, when I realize that I'm so close that I'm obviously going to finish, that there's no use bickering with myself anymore. I should just shut up and enjoy it. And by enjoy it I mean finish.

But today... today there was a magical post 30-minute mark which I've never experienced before. I was sure I would finish but hating things nonetheless basically from minute 25 to minute 30, but then... I didn't quit. I realized I still had air in my lungs and power in my legs, so I figured hey... maybe I can make it to that next bridge. And the next one. And I might as well finish this song. Only one more minute until 35, why stop now? And all along there's a meta-me going "wtf who are you positive-attitude-girl and why are we still running?" I quit at 35 minutes, but I probably could have kept going to 40, or even 45. I wanted to push myself a little further, a little harder than usual, but I also didn't want to overdo it, so I accepted a four minute bonus and walked home with a hug smile on my face. I am made of win. And the trick worked. I got through the whole thing by telling myself... "Self, come on. You don't have to run this long again ever again (~cough~ until next Sunday ~cough~). So you can't quit. It is forbidden. Forboden, even." (Sorry, sometimes I'm silly with myself.)

And then... the pizza. Ah well. Lately my host mom is always at work at night, so this is the second day this week that the kids and I have been delivered pizza for dinner. This is no excuse. I could have made something else (although it wouldn't have been easy, for sure). I could have eaten just one piece of pizza. But I had two, because it tasted good, and I didn't want to pay for my own food. I skipped the regular coke and had a little of my Coke Zero, and I'm not beating myself up over it. I had my nightly cookie, brushed my teeth, and now I'm done eating for the day. I would have preferred to finish on a high note, because I started on such a high one, but... there's always tomorrow.

I'm trying really hard to get my Mom on the healthy lifestyle track. She and I had our differences, sometimes serious ones, through middle and high school. But the past few times I've stayed with her, and especially this last time, we've gotten along amazingly well. In large part, I'm sure, it's because I'm growing up. I'm accepting that she's not perfect, and neither am I, and all we can do is the best we can. And in large part, she was doing the best she could. She's happier nowadays since she got re-married. And I started to realize... maybe a big part of it is how much happier I am. Overall. I know I wasn't a peach to live with, like most teenagers, I imagine, but I wonder how much of it was defensive. I wasn't happy with how I looked or who I was, so I was always, well... unhappy. And when I'm unhappy, it's hard to treat others the way I'd like to. But now, something's just different.

She wants to lose weight. She's yo-yo dieted for a long time. So I really want her to be successful, for health reasons, and just so she can feel good about herself. While I was home she talked about wanting a special notebook and worksheets for doing her food-journalling, so I made them, including scrapbooking a binder cover with inspirational quotes and before/after pictures of me. She loved it, so I hope it'll be one more little thing that helps. So... go Mom. I love you!

One more thing... I bought a ring tonight. I'd been intending to save this for my first month reward, but I... didn't. My bad. I wanted something to wear everyday, to remind me of all the hard work I've done. A visual reminder not to sabotage myself. I think it's quite pretty. I love wearing rings.