a sketchy weekend and a revelation.

Man, I'm ridiculous. Just after I make a post explaining why I don't post often, I suddenly find the time and feel compelled to post all the time. This was a difficult weekend, though, so I need to 'fess up, mostly to myself, so I can put it behind me and get right for the rest of the week. 

Honestly, I knew it would be a struggle. I travelled to see a friend, so I knew there would be temptation. I did the right thing by starting out the trip on a good foot--I brought healthy snacks for the bus ride. But then... I lost a temptation battle to four slices of pizza. I don't actually mind that I ate pizza. In my dreams, I reach the point where I can eat (two slices of) pizza as a treat once a week, and still maintain my goal weight. But I didn't need to eat my whole half of the pizza, obviously. It was mindless. I followed old habits and fell into an old mindset without even being aware of it until it was over. There were 8 pieces of pizza and two of us. Obviously, I would eat half. I think I only even considered stopping once, after three, but it wasn't a serious thought. 

So I was disappointed about that, because it was also coupled with alcohol and some little snacks that I can't actually remember. But I'm not beating myself up too badly. Despite semi-hangover, I got out and did my looooong run on Saturday afternoon, and was proud of myself for finishing all 35 minutes. Baller. 

And Sunday I was good almost the entire day. Erred on the low calorie side when possible to "atone" a bit for the pizza splurge, and would have finished on a sparkling note if not for apple pie. Apple pie... and vanilla ice cream. Note: Apple pie is another thing that I don't really even love, but that represents America, and I haven't had in so long, that it's hard to pass up. And, it was the most delicious apple pie and ice cream I've ever had in my life. True. So those little overindulgences are certainly not going to help me avoid a gain this week. 

True, I got up and did double the cardio I had planned this morning, pushing through when I felt like quitting, knowing it would feel so good when it was over, and if I avoided gaining back my lost pound. And it's almost noon on Monday, so I have three and a half days to work hard and do the right things to try to get the scale to work with me. But even if I do post a gain... I have to accept that this is how life is. Choices and tradeoffs. I wanted the pizza and the pie more than I wanted to see a happy-making number on the scale this week. That's nothing to be mad at myself over. I just need to re-evaluate my priorities, plan how I can work these small indulgences in mindfully without sabotaging myself, and move forward. 

I was complaining to the friend I'm visiting, T, about how hard it has been/is going to be to lose these last twenty pounds, and he had the nerve to give me a skeptical look. Insert righteous indignance: "I already lost twenty pounds three times!"

Cue stunning, revelatory music, and repeat with altered tone: I already lost twenty pounds three times. This tells me two things... 1. I'm clearly awesome. 2. I know how to be successful. What the heck am I worried about?

I hope the weekend didn't get to you like it did me, but if it did, focus on your successes and move forward. As we used to say in little league: "Walk it off." :)