I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested.

Oh man. So I'm on waking night shift tonight, but I only managed to eke out six hours of sleep, which is going to be detrimental to my mood around 4am tomorrow morning. And I keep making half-efforts to fall back asleep, but it's not happening fast enough, so I'm amending my evening plans. New plan: Blog, pack, go to gym at 6pm, coffee/beer with Bianka and Kate at 7:15, then sleep in the Day Centre for an hour and half before my shift. I'm not sure I'll actually be able to do that, but I'm definitely going to try.

I sincerely hope the internet is working at the Shelter tonight, because not being able to read my email or otherwise distract myself last night was pretty freaking horrible. It made me, I think, even more tired than I would have been otherwise. I've decided I'm going to add a widget(y thing) to the side of my blog to count the number of days I go to the gym in a row. Also... I just realized that if I go to work early today, I get dinner. Yes!

Hmm. I feel like there was definitely something substantial I was going to write about, but now that I'm actually sitting here, I can't for the life of my figure out what it was. So I edited "Reunion" yesterday. If the internet's working, I'll do a more substantial edit tonight. I'll try Jeanne's method of printing it out and then re-typing the entire thing, because I think over-type would make me crazy. I'm really looking forward to getting my first rejection letters. I'm hoping that actually crossing over the hump and taking that first step will be like opening floodgates, and I'll start to really view myself as a professional writer.

How many more shifts do I have? 1. Tonight's waking night, 2. Wednesday's waking night, 3. Thursday's waking night, 4. Thursday day shift, 5. Friday day shift, 6. Saturday day shift, 7. Sunday day shift, 8. Wednesday 5:00-1:00, 9. Thursday 1:00-1:00. Only nine. Wow. I'm really upset about what happened with CG, because it's been the only damper over the last week. Odds are good that I'll see him tonight though, so I'll know really quickly whether or not he's planning on trying to kill me, or is going to attempt to lead an insurrection against me. Maybe it'll be fine, and then I can stop worrying and go back to fully enjoying my last few shifts here. If that incident hadn't happened, I'd say I'd be really starting to get sad about leaving. I mean, it's miserable, and I'm sure I wouldn't want to do it much longer (I think six months would have been about all I could handle), but still, it was a real experience. Actually, I think I'd really enjoy the job if I'd stayed on the static team and only had to do day shifts. It's just the 1-1s I find really intolerable, probably because of how long they are and having to do menial tasks like cleaning and serving food. Maybe those menial tasks wouldn't bother me so much if I was being paid decently, like a real staff member, but they drive me a little nuts as a volunteer. Maybe that makes me uppity, but I don't think so. It's really been a curious thing--I probably won't have another job where I work nights in my life, so maybe it's good I had this one.

Speaking of which, I also really hope the internet works because I basically need to plan my entire trip to Poland, including convincing Dad to front the money for a hotel room so I don't have to go home with random guy in Lodz. Also, that's not spelled (spelt?) correctly. Shit. More later, hopefully, if the net is working.