The Quarter Mark

I'm not sure how long this entry will be, although I have plenty to say. It's 10:22pm, and I'm already a little tired, but I did take a short nap today, so I should be able to persevere. 

Hmm... where to begin. The most pressing thing on my mind recently has been my future. I'm trying to make decisions, but it's difficult, because 1.) I'm starting to get really sad about the prospect of leaving Korea, which makes me lament having decided out of hand already not to extend, and 2.) the damned economy is screwing up all of my plans. I mean, I've been hearing about this economic downturn theoretically whenever I read the New York Times or listen to an NPR podcast, but it hadn't directly affected me... until now, when I realized how much harder it would be for me to get a job teaching in Florida when I got home. I mean, I was worried about it already, because I wasn't going to even get home until (at the earliest) the first week of July, which seemed like a bad time to START looking for a teaching job. But now, the district is facing huge cuts, new teachers are getting let go already, and I'm distinctly less optimistic about my chances, although I'm not giving up quickly. 

Briefly I entertained the prospect of avoiding all of this hassle by not TRYING to teach. Instead, I'd just get whatever job I could that paid the bills, enroll in my last UCF class, and have a lot of free time to write and go home often, because I want to spend as much time with the fam this year as possible, since I'm likely moving elsewhere (but within the continental United States) next year. That plan was pretty appealing... but it was kiboshed by the fact that I'm being summarily dismissed from my dad's health care, and would have to worry about insurance, and lots of other stuff that my dad shielded me from while I was a student. Damn. 

But I've pretty much settled, barring any changes in Kate's plans, on living in Orlando, which I'm enthusiastic about. I need to, later this week, sit down and make a super-plan of attack outlining all of my possible options for employment, and how I can go about trying to make those happen from the other side of the world, but for now a shortlist will suffice, I think: 

a.) Finagle a job teaching full-time. This is ideal because it would mean a stellar salary and benefits, but it would be a lot of... well, work. Also, I'd feel a bit bad teaching for one year and then leaving to do something else, especially with the teacher job market as it is. Plus, I'm still secretly a little afraid that I'm not going to like (or possibly be good at) teaching in America. I'm not sure I'm completely ready, although my new-teacher friend says "there's nothing you can do to be ready," which seems true. 

b.) Get an entry-level job at UCF and finish the one class I need for my English degree for free. This is also really appealing, because it means enough pay and decent benefits, plus it'd be a little less pressure, and hopefully less stressful, than my first year of teaching. But a UCF job, I've been warned, would also likely be difficult to finagle. 

c.) Get a... different full-time job with benefits. This is where things start to get a bit hazy. I mean, I know I'm skilled, wonderful, and qualified to do a lot of things, but I don't know how one would go about even LOOKING for a job that isn't with the school system or UCF, especially from the other side of the world. But surely I could find SOMETHING... right? 

As you can see, I'm not exactly full of confidence. But rather than worrying about it, I'm going to be as proactive as possible, beginning with the detailed plan of attack I'm going formulate... later. Hey... worst comes to worst, I can always just move back in with my parents. (Just kidding, guys. Or am I?)

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On another note, as one of the online weight loss communities pointed out to me, we're now roughly 1/4 of the way through the year, so now would be a good time to take a look at how those New Year's Resolutions are going, and to do any necessary tinkering. So here goes... this might more you to death, in which case... I don't care. It's my blog.  

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Physical
GOAL: Get down to reasonable, healthy weight, which I estimate will be around 150-160 pounds (which means losing between 30 and 40 pounds) before July 1.
1. Follow new running training schedule (well). [It took me a little while, I've finally done it. Thankfully, I discovered the Couch to 5k program and settled into that, and I'm pretty proud of being almost finished with week 4. Once I've finished that, I'll keep running 5k three times a week, and once I get home and settled, I'll start thinking about a 10k.]

2. Write down everything I eat if I start to slip up again. [Eating is going really surprisingly (knock on wood) well, but I'll keep working on it with the monthly goals, and go back to journalling the food if I stop losing weight.]
3. Give up soda for Lent, and hopefully forever, replacing it with more water and juice. [Well, I didn't succeed in giving up soda completely, but I've cut back on my consumption so much... it's crazy. And I'm drinking a LOT more water, and juice sparingly to mix it up, which is something I'm really proud of. I'm not sure I actually want to give up soda completely anymore... I'd just like to get to the point where I can enjoy small amounts of it, consciously, but not drink it all the time or just to drink it. I'd like to be able to enjoy all foods, soda included, but for now trying to cut it out completely is the best option.]
4. Eat pizza and Lotteria only once a week. [Complete success so far: I've actually cut down on my pizza and hamburger consumption a whole lot, which feels great. I'm making a last ditch effort to develop a better relationship with Korea food, and it's going well.]
5. Always eat cereal (or Korean style) for breakfast. [Done.]
6. Bring fruit or cracker snacks to school. [Have done this pretty regularly for the past month or so, and it works really really well.]

Financial
GOAL: To save at least $1200 a month in March, April, May, and June ($4800 + $200 in February) for a total of $5000.
1. Make another budget, spending only $100 a month on students. [Well, I made a budget, and I've definitely spent less than $100 a month on students.]
2. Go to DVD bang twice a week. [Like pizza/Lotteria... I've cut down on my DVD bang visits a whole lot too, thanks to www.mysoju.com.]
3. Go out to eat only 3 times a week. [I'm pretty sure I've gone out much less than 3 times a week.]
[Somehow, despite having followed all three of my sub-goals, I'm well behind in the financial department. I'm not exactly sure where all my money went, although I didn't stick to my budget so well during February and March. Nonetheless, I've been insanely frugal lately to make up for it, and I intend to continue in that way, especially now that my future is so uncertain. The Korean economy is thwarting me, however, as the won is being devalued like an unwanted stepchild, which means my savings is worth less and less. But hey, I'm doing what I can, and I'm still shooting for that $5000 mark.]

Intellectual
GOAL: Read 50 books this year, and write 6 short stories. Submit a short story every three months. Keep up with the news. Get certified to teach in Florida and get a job.
1. Make appointments to write for an hour three times a week--try doing it at DUNKIN DONUTS so there will be less distractions.  [Complete fail... I definitely need to re-evaluate here.]
2. Schedule at least three hours every weekend for reading, preferably outside when the weather gets better. [I'll do you one better... my April goal is to read 50 pages a day on weekdays and a 100 on Saturdays and Sundays. So far, it's going really well... I'm still a little behind in the 50 books goal, but not too much, and I'm sure I can make it up. Reading regularly is also one more thing (in addition to exercise) that I can do when I'm tempted to boredom-eat. Plus, I really enjoy it!]
3. Read at least 10 news stories every day while I'm at school and listen to Talk of the Nation podcast while exercising. [I think this is the only mini-goal where I started out well and then tapered off. I think I may have to give up on listening to news podcasts, although maybe I'll try to incorporate them on non-Couch to 5k days. They worked well, at first, and I liked feeling informed. I also need to re-dedicate myself to read the Times. It just seems so overwhelming, and I know that reading 10 stories will not even make a dent in making myself aware, so I give up. But knowing a little is better than nothing, and it's a small time investment with a big return. I must schedule this in my daily to-do lists, which are wonderful.]
4. Figure out how I'm going to get books. [Well, I found a way, and I'm getting a bunch at the Jeju conference, so this problem is at the very least deferred for awhile.]

Emotional
GOAL: Be an overall happier person.
1. Blog at least once a week in Koreablog and LJ. [I blogged pretty regularly to start, and then tapered off, but I've recommitted to blogging regularly as one of my April goals. I really WANT to do it... I want to have these entries to re-read once I leave Korea, and for April I've committed to making blogging a higher priority. It's also going on the to-do lists, so hopefully that will be enough.]
2. Try meditating--research books and stuff. [I haven't had time to do much meditation research. I may defer this for when I'm back in America and have access to a library. I've been pretty happy lately sans meditation.]

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Whew, that was an ordeal, huh? I'm most proud of the progress I've made in the physical category. I succeeded in my March madness goal of losing 10 pounds in March, so now I'm down to 179.5, and I feel like I'm well on my way to getting close to goal weight by July 1. These days I've decided to focus less on the scale numbers and more on cementing my good habits, and just hoping the scale follows along. Financially I got off to a bad start, but I'm cleaning things up, so I just have to stay motivated and remember how important it will be for me to have that starter fund. Intellectually... my goals have changed a bit, so I need to adjust my plan of action... I'll shoot to do that in my Sunday post. Emotionally, I'm in the best place I've been in a long time, I think thanks to my new healthy lifestyle, so I'll just to try to keep that up. 

As for fun Korea stories, which is, after all, why you're all gathered here ... I've got a few, which I'll try to hurry up and tell before I fall asleep. This week started out pretty rough. I had to teach the Noan first graders by myself, as my co-teacher was off doing something, which is usually fine. They're really enthusiastic, and pretty good at English, but they're also really chatty. And I guess they're starting to feel comfortable with me, because on Monday they would not shut up. Especially the boys. And a couple of the boys are really immature, and talkative, so they'd yell random things at me in Korean. And it was distracting, because at first I wouldn't they weren't asking me a question about what we were studying, but then I determined that they were just screwing off, but by then I'd lost control of the class again already. Twenty-four 12-13 year olds? Not my idea of fun. So yeah, I was REALLY frustrated, and when my co-teacher arrived, I blinked back tears and told her I wasn't teaching them anymore, because they were rude and obnoxious. I didn't start weeping like I have before, mostly because I didn't care as much. I got really upset previously when classes I really liked misbehaved. This class I was just frustrated with and genuinely didn't want to teach again, which sucked. 

Now, my NMS co-teacher is not always the most helpful woman in the world. She's really sweet, and I know she's always trying to help me, but a lot of the time we have difficulty communicating. But she really came through on Monday. She went up to their classroom and told all the boys to come to the English classroom after lunch. I was worried that she'd hit them all with the stick, and then they'd further resent me for involving her and that would lead to worse behavior, but that's not what happened. What happened, in fact, was an interesting social experience. She lined all the boys up at the back of the classroom and said "Alright. Who disrupted English class today? Step forward." (I was able to understand this, in a minor Korean victory.) It took them a few seconds, but then two boys stepped forward. (Wow, honesty!) She asked again, and another boy (the younger brother of one of my favorite 3rd graders) also stepped forward. Then she said, "Is that all?" and gave everyone a stern look, but the other kids banded together and agreed that none of them had been disruptive. I'm surprised the 3 kids who most frustrated me were even aware that they were little punks, but they were. So she dismissed the rest of the kids and then started interrogating the 3. 

I should interrupt to say that during class, in the heat of my frustration, I really really HATED those kids. I wanted to hit them with sticks, Korean style. I didn't see them as individual students with needs and personalities, etc... I saw them as part of a herd who was driving me up the wall. So it was easy for me to be angry at them then. But when I saw them called out one by one by a woman they were obviously terrified of, all of my remaining annoyance and anger mostly melted away. Co-teacher's like: "Alright, you. How did you disrupt class?" And then he proceeded to explain that he likes to YELL AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS when he's repeating after me, which is distracting to the other students. Co-teach: "So why did you do it?" ~silence~ "Why? Answer me." ~more silence~ CT: "Fine... YOU." ~next student~ And so on and so forth. The first kid, who yells at the top of his lungs, is actually so surprisingly good at English (compared to his classmates), so I didn't want to make him feel bad or give him a reason to hate it, since he's so smart. So then she made them come over and apologize to me one by one, and they all looked duly apologetic, which was good enough for me, so I gave them hugs. Because really, they're only like 12. And they're going to get hit with sticks enough during middle school. I didn't want bad feelings. 

And the next day's class with them was a little better. They got a little rowdy and out of control in the last ten minutes, so I again let the girls leave when the bell rang and made the boys stay after, to regale them with my poor Korean. "Why are you so bad?" Then I called them trouble-makers out one-by-one, with "Why do you misbehave? Because you hate me?" MU, the little brother of the 3rd grader, said passionately in Korean: "No! I love you!" Which made me start laughing, and I let them go. I'm going to go buy a water gun and reinstitute that policy, which I think will help maintain the noise level, and make me seem more like a real teacher, and not like a pretty impostor, which I suspect is the real problem. (Not.) 

That's, I think, about all of my school excitement for the week so far. On the homestay front, things are still going well. The little boy is annoying me a little less. My homestay sister still loves and worships me. I'm still doing housework whenever possible, which host mom appreciates. And I came home today to find host grandma and all of her friends in the living room, and then immediately proceeded to touch me all over and speak to me in Korean, mostly about how much weight I lost. Oh, but Grandma's on my shit list, because this morning I came home from jogging and walked into my room to hear crazy grandma yelling from my bathroom, where she's using the toilet, but she hasn't closed the door. Okay, whatever grandma, use my bathroom... but in fact, she stank it up right before I needed to quick shower. THANKS A LOT!

In other news... I'm going away this weekend for the second of two Fulbright conferences. This time we get to FLY... to Korea's southernmost island, Jeju-do. The weather's supposed to be warm (if possibly rainy), and although I'd rather stay at home in Naju, I'm not entirely dreading it. The hardest part will probably be staying on the diet, as I'll have plenty of opportunities to eat out and there will probably be a few American style buffets, but I'm going to stick to my guns and April goals, which includes at least 3 vegetables and 1 fruit a day, and just try not to over-eat. It's only a few days. 

So this turned out to be quite an entry... If you're still reading, have a great day! :)