Korea, sweet Korea.

So I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport with probably about 45 minutes before my flight back to Korea starts boarding. I'm surrounded by Korean children with annoying voices, but I have to say, it's kinda nice to hear the language again. I missed it a little, which is weird and unexpected. Not enough that I'm actually paying attention and trying to understand what they're saying, though little bits are flickering through, which seems like a good sign for my listening comprehension abilities. I'd hoped to study more while I was home, but I can honestly say I just didn't have as many free hours in the day as I'd expected, and overall, I'm fairly happy with how I spent my time. I also wasn't expecting to go to the gym for almost 2 hours everyday, but I did, and that was good.

I'm trying to sort out my feelings about leaving, and I'm hoping that writing about it might help, or at least help me to pass some time. The last time I went back to Korea, in February, it wasn't without a certain element of dread. I really didn't want to go, I realized, and it surprised me. Once I survived the insanity of the flight and was settled back in my bedroom in Naju, however, I was pretty happy to be back. And once I realized that my second graders had all suddenly become cool, good students over winter break, I was even thrilled.

I definitely don't feel the same kind of dread this time, or really any dread, but in my groggy state this morning on the way to the airport, I definitely felt something very strongly. I did have a really nice time in America while I was home, and I'm looking forward to coming back and doing it again for awhile in January, but it wasn't as hard to leave this time. Or rather, it was hard in a different way. What I'm starting to suspect, and what really surprises and sort of worries me, is that it's hard for me to go back to Korea this time because I know I only have 5 months left. Everything will sort of take on the extra weight of being one of the last times I'll get to do it. I need to take stock of My Life in Korea So Far, and figure out what else I need to do to make sure I won't have any regrets. Yes, I'm sure I'll come back for a vacation at least, but living in Korea has just been such an amazingly unique experience (if not always amazing), that I suddenly feel gripped by a panicked desire to preserve all of it. And coupled with how much Korea appeals to me now that the end is in sight is the complete uncertainty I feel about what will happen when I get back. The fear of having to get a real job and start my life and commit to a place is so daunting that it makes me want to stay in Korea forever- the job market for me there is certainly better than it is in Florida these days.

Associated with coming back is the also the fear of failure. I've decided that I'm definitely going to apply for Teach for America, but knowing that I'm not going to be able to apply until the very last deadline makes me skeptical about my chances. I'm not a math/science major or a minority, which are strikes against me, plus the fact that there's a lot more competition at the final deadline... it just makes me feel a lot less confident. If I did get TFA, I'd be thrilled. I've decided that what I really want for the next couple of years is some teaching experience. I need to know, sooner rather than later, if teaching is really what I want to do with my life. This was a good trial run in Korea, and I now know that I like teaching English as a foreign language, but I need to try it out in my own country and make sure it's the only career for me, as I've always believed. And TFA would be ideal because I'd be guaranteed a job for two years, I'd get to do some professional development which would probably make getting my next job easier, and I'd get to move someplace else. I looked into how difficult it might be to find a job teaching in New England, but it looks like getting certified would be really hard without an education degree, although once I had a few years teaching under my belt it looks considerably easier.

If I'm ready after a few years of teaching, I'll go back and get my MFA in Creative Writing, which'll mean a salary increase and hopefully creating something I'm really proud of. If teaching isn't for me, I'll start looking into some other avenues I've thought about, like politics and public administration. I read about the program Carrie's doing, and it sounds really interesting, so maybe there are other options out there for me. There's certainly higher-paying options I might choose if I don't love teaching. If I don't get TFA, I'll just apply for everything I can find in the Ft. Myers and Orlando areas and hope something turns up. If not... well, that's what worries me. But I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Quick list:
1. See about re-applying to UCF
2. Plan timeline for TFA application process
3. Investigate health care
4. Find out if I ever got certified to teach in Florida

It's just about time to board, so I guess I'll wrap this up. I'm really dreading this flight. Let's just hope there's a cute Korean boy next to me.

On the bus, after my flight:
Well, there was definitely no cute Korean boy next to me, or anywhere near me, which was disappointing. On the whole though, it was a surprisingly okay flight. I attribute this primarily to the fact that I was able to sleep for possibly as many as 8 hours, though it was mostly in spurts. I started off by watching a couple of TV shows: Bones, The Closer, then managed to get my first nap on before the end of The Closer... it was as lame when compared to Law and Order as I'd always expected it probably was. Then I watched two episodes of Tyler Perry's House of Payne, which was really... different. Then I watched about 4 episodes of Mad Men, which I think was what passed the most time, and had mixed feelings about it. It's engaging, I guess, and perhaps sort of unique, but I didn't love it. I might've watched a few more things, then I took another nap. This time I surprised myself by being able to fall asleep on my arms on the tray table. This did prevent the person in front of me from putting his seat back during this time (though it didn't prevent him from trying unsuccessfully to crush my skull in this manner). But I was also unable to put my seat back because of the person behind me, so fair's fair. I watched at least one movie, I'm sure, but now I can't for the life of me remember what it was... oh yeah! Leatherheads.

I'd really wanted to see it, because I usually like George Clooney, and let's get real, JOHN KRASINSKI is in it. But I was really really disappointed. I just... hated it. I liked John, obviously. He was handsome and cool. But I hated most of the plot. I hated how it tried to paint Renee Zellweger (I'm not going to bother) as some sort of crusader for journalistic integrity when she refuses to retract, when in fact she secured her story in the most salacious and manipulative way possible. She was no heroine. And she wasn't even likeable-- neither her or George Clooney's character, so I just found it annoying. And then the weird glorification of cheating in the end? I really didn't appreciate it at all, surprisingly. But it ALSO ate up at least an hour and a half of the flight, so that was fine too. Otherwise, I was mostly in and out of it staring at the screen or the seat in front of me. The food was shockingly decent... I had chicken and rice for both of my meals, and they weren't too bad. The "mid-flight snack" was the best part though. A big bag of grapes, a cucumber, chicken, and cream cheese sandwich on wheat bread, and Milano cookies. My stomach felt pretty queasy for awhile once I got off the plane, but it's starting to calm down now, thankfully.

It took a long time for all of the foreigners to clear immigration, for some reason, but miraculously, both of my bags were already on the carousel, just a few feet apart, waiting for me when I got there. I changed over some money and I was on my way. I was only a little worried about finding the proper bus to get back to Naju, and it turned out fine. I bought my ticket and found the bus without incident, and although my bags were a little unwieldy, disaster was averted. On the bus from Seoul to Gwangju (a four hour trip), I finally started watching a rented movie that's been waiting on my iTunes for 28 days (since the last time I flew): The Orphanage. Man, it was spooky, and really good. The disappointing thing was that the video stopped working 30 minutes from the end, and when I tried to restart it, I discovered that my watching period had expired. Damn damn damn. So I didn't get to see the end, but I might even rent it again to see it... it was that good.

I'm on the last leg of my trip now--from Gwangju (the big city nearby) to Naju, which is about a 45 minute bus ride. Looks like I'll be getting home right around 10:00, which is sort of what I was predicting, and fine by me. I'm worried about jet lag, since I slept a lot of the day, but I think I'll be all right. I'm going to stay up until 12 or 1 unpacking, then take a couple of Benadryl (my nose's been acting up on and off all day) and try to hit the sack. That stuff usually puts me to sleep pretty quick. Then if I can manage to stay up all of tomorrow and sleep normally tomorrow night, I should be all right. There's no late night Olympics or Law and Order marathons to keep me up, which was the problem when I went home, so I guess I'll be okay.

I'm currently trying to decide what to do about the Fulbright event on Monday. I had a last minute thought about changing my flight to 5 days later when I found out I didn't have to go to the aforementioned event, and even went so far as to call Delta to get the info, but two things stopped me. One, it would have cost me a $200 change fee, which didn't stop me from seriously considering it, truthfully. And two, I wasn't sure at that time that no one from my schools was planning on going to the event, and I didn't want to inconvenience them. As it turns out, they aren't going, and if I'd known that, I probably would have stayed the extra five days. But I'm not that disappointed. I'd already dumped my car at my Dad's and was completely packed and ready, and I do sort of want to go to the thing, though it'll cost me in transportation and a hotel. Plus, I should be glad to have this week before school starts to unpack, decompress, and maybe even do a little lesson planning.

So I'm definitely going to the event, but I'm also trying to talk myself into something. I have to be there at 10 in the morning, which I'm pretty sure means I need to leave the day before. I'm considering going a little early in the morning and actually spending a day sightseeing in Seoul (by myself!). I don't usually like sight-seeing, and certainly not in the super-hot summer, but it's one of those things I feel like I need to do before I leave Korea, and maybe I'd like going by myself. I mean, they have a subway system, and relatively cheap taxis, so I could get back to the bus station if I was lost. And I could go at my own pace, and only see what I want, and quit and go back to the hotel anytime. But it could be fun. I'm not sure I'm really feeling that brave, or truthfully, that much like a go-getter, but I'm thinking about it. It'll probably depend on how I sleep tonight and tomorrow night. Then I get to go this Yonsei Day event, be introduced in front of the crowd with all of the other ETAs, (though I'm actually being introduced to no one because my schools won't be there), hang out with Tim, and maybe meet some of the other ETAs who are coming to Naju. I'm excited to see what kind of apartment they've come up with for Tim... it might be the new place to hang in the Naj. Maybe I shouldn't even go to it. It'll be a waste of at least $30 (maybe $60) for a chance to socialize with ETAs I don't know, and who are probably weird, and have an awkward lunch with Korean people. That doesn't actually sound so fun at all. I guess I'll think about that too.

Okay, we're pulling into the bus terminal, so I'm going to shut down and post this later. Honey, I'm home.

Take care!