i love crime shows

I got a complaint about how long my last entry was, but I had a lot to say. I have a lot to say today, too, because I haven't blogged in a week. Some things did start to resolve themselves a bit, and I feel better today than I have in a while. 

He's not the most important thing, but I'm going to update and conclude the Manuel topic now and get it out of the way first. He texted me on Monday morning to say he couldn't meet in the evening to get his stuff. Didn't say why, but then he said something else in Korean, that might have been "Do what you think is best with it" or "Arrange it for me." Tim wasn't sure. I said, "Hey, whatever. I'm not mad at you. If you decide you want your stuff, call me." He replied with: "I don't have any bad feelings towards you either. I'm just really sorry, so I can't meet you anymore." Okay? So I put it all together Monday night and texted him to make sure he was in the dorm before leaving it under a bench where we used to meet. It was weird that he didn't reply to say thanks or anything at all. It's possible that he actually did want to see me to receive the stuff, but he said he couldn't meet anymore, and I wanted it out of my apartment. I texted him on Thursday to ask if he'd received it (I shouldn't have), and he said: "Yeah, I got it. Have a nice life." That's not as snippy in Korean as it is in English. It's sort of a common thing to say. "Live happily" is perhaps a better translation. So yeah, that's totally over, my apartment is purged, and I can honestly say I don't miss him. I sometimes miss having someone on call, but that's unromantic, and it's not him, and things about him that bothered me a lot still come to me unbidden on a fairly regular basis, so... that's that. 

I was really dreading yesterday, because it was White Day. White Day, as I've mentioned before, is the day when the Korean man returns the favors he received on Valentine's Day (which is a one-sided affair), and girls get theirs. As I now no longer have a Korean man, I figured the day (and the accompanying displays in every store), would just bug me to death. Not so. I texted Tim to see if he wanted to go to Gwangju or go into town. He didn't reply right away, so I figured he might still be sleeping, but then around ten thirty there was a knock on my door. I figured it was probably Jehovah's Witnesses, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Tim standing there with a White Day basket of goodies for me from the bakery. I got candy and lollipops and cookies, and it got my day off to a good start in spite of the odds. 

And more good news... the job search is going pretty well! I had an interview on Tuesday which seemed to go well. He seemed to be into me, and said he would set up another interview with a few other people within the week, so I'm waiting to hear back from him. That interview was for Phoenix Charter Academy's Urban Fellows Program. It's in Boston. It's a tutoring job, working with high school students who "didn't experience success in other traditional schools." They provide housing (sharing a room in a house) and insurance, plus a $15,000 living stipend. So it sounds like a good deal. I want to work with high schoolers preferably. I wouldn't mind living in Boston. I found out during the interview that this is the first year they've actually done this program, so he started talking about how it would be good for someone with an "entrepreneurial spirit." I know what that means: Things will be crazy and disorganized, but I can say I was in the first class of tutors and helped to start it all out (if it turns out well). It was really appealing to me as I was talking to him, and I feel good about my chances of possibly being offered the job. I should also say that of all the ones seriously pending, this one one of the highest living stipends.

I also heard back from another program, College Forward, which is in Austin, Texas. I have an interview on Wednesday morning with them. It's an hour long interview, so it might be the real-deal all-in-one final interview. (I'm just so relieved that I'm even hearing back from these programs who know that I can't be there in person to interview!) College Forward would be really pleasant too. They provide insurance. They're a non-profit that works in a few under-served high schools with the mission of helping disadvantaged HS students get access to college. It sounds super cool. (See the website.) There's an application process for the kids who want to get involved. They have to be in the top 60% of their class, eligible for free/reduced lunch or prove need in some other way, and get letters of rec and write a personal statement. So I would at least be working mostly with students who really wanted to be there, which would be great. The position is called "College Coach..." I'd be teaching SAT/ACT prep courses and helping with basically every step of the college application process (researching colleges, writing application essays, financial aid, etc...) This sounds like fun! And according to their website they have a 100% success rate with their alumni getting accepted to a university, so they must be doing something right! My best friend C lived in Austin last year doing AmeriCorps with a different program and loved the city, and she said she met some of the people doing College Forward at an AmeriCorps rally and they seemed cool. 

So yeah, upsides: great city, closer to home than Mass (though not by much), established program, friend who has experience with the city to help me out. The only downside, really, is that the living stipend is pretty small. They don't provide housing, and it's $950 a month. Carrie lived on approximately the same amount. She said you just get roommates (probably from the same program) and live frugally. I won't be able to save any money, but Carrie says surviving on that amount won't be difficult. And that's fine. I want to teach and get experience for a year, and I just don't want to have to dip into my savings. The nice thing is that it starts in mid-August and ends in mid-June (only 10 months), so I'd definitely be able to finish and get the $4,725 scholarship for grad school and do TFA or a similar program if I wanted to without quitting early. So I'm nervous about the interview, because it sounds so good.

I got emails from two other programs that they received my application and would be considering it, and I should hear back within the week. One was my first choice, the prestigious program in Boston, and the other is in California. The CA program is similar to all the others, but there's more teaching training and a relatively huge salary. You get $30,000 for the year as well as a $2,500 relocation stipend. So if I did get this one, there would definitely be an appeal in that, even though it's so far away. I want to get at least three offers... so I can have a choice, and talk it over with the fam, and weigh the pros and cons. I want to know that I'm wanted at least by a few places, and not just one. 

I ate really really badly all week. I didn't even get on the scale the past two mornings because I didn't want to see the number. I was afraid it would depress me and I'd have to fight temptation to give up. I was feelings down about things, which was part of it. I also hadn't been able to run for ten days because of my foot. Not being able to exercise is so hard on me. Partially because I still struggle with snacking and eating right, so I rely heavily on exercise to offset nutrition indiscretions. And it works... I haven't lost any weight in the past month, but despite eating a lot, I also didn't gain any... until I stopped exercising. Plus because I don't spend an hour or so everyday exercising, I have more free time... to fight the urge to eat. And exercising is just good for me. It gets me out of the house, it clears my head. I'm less tempted to binge eat when I've run on that particular day, because I don't want to invalidate a 45 minute workout in 5 minutes. For the past week, I've just eaten everything, and a lot of it. 

I'm starting to figure out why, maybe. When I feel down, like this week because of my foot injury, I feel helpless. I feel like I can't control things, or I stop caring about the immediate future. When I eat three donuts I know, intuitively, that it's bad for my efforts to lose weight. I know that it won't even feel good an hour later, when I feel gross for it. But when I feel down and lose sight of caring about the future, I only care about the immediate gratification of the donut.

The good news is that I ran today, and it was wonderful. I bought new running shoes last weekend, thinking that the oldness of my shoes might have had something to do with the injury, which was probably a repetitive stress injury of some sort. It was frustrating, because the selection was really limited and they didn't even carry women's shoes in my size, so I had to buy a pair of men's. Then I got them home only to discover that they're a little smaller than I would have liked. I tried them out today, though, and it was okay... I had a little bit of a strange feeling and discomfort in my other heel at first, but I ran on the grass around the track and it was fine. I did about two and a half miles, thirty minutes straight, and it felt good. I'm going to cut down to three runs a week instead of four, take it easy, but I think I can get back on track now. And I went to the store and bought weights so that I can lift at home from now on. It's good.

School is better too. I have my schedule. I teach 15 hours a week, down from 17 last semester. My new students are okay. Plus... I just don't care nearly as much. It's a good thing, perhaps, because I definitely used to care too much. I deliver my lesson. Everyone speaks at least three sentences. It's four more months.