HYC #5: Ode to the treadmill TV

Is it Tuesday morning already?

Usually I don't compose these entries until evening, but I've had a schedule change at school, and now I don't teach on Tuesday mornings, so I guess I'll just be ahead of the game.

This week has gotten off to a pretty good start. I was successful in bouncing back from the gain, mostly. I ate a few more sweets this weekend than were ideal, but I never felt an overwhelming compulsion to eat them in bulk... just a couple of cookies on Saturday and a drumstick-style ice cream cone on Sunday. (And I only ate that style because I couldn't find a little soft-serve cone anywhere. Grrrr.) But yesterday morning I was back on track for sure... at the gym at 6am doing weights and sprints. I ate well yesterday, I think, but felt queasy. I think lunch just didn't agree with me (Korean-style fried fish and a pretty spicy soup). Yesterday was the first time in awhile I wasn't genuinely EXCITED to do my C25k run, since I didn't get home until 5pm. I briefly considered not doing it, but there was no real chance I wouldn't. Yesterday's intervals were 5-8-5 minute runs, and they went fine. I was really blah after the first 5 minute run, as always, but once I got into step the 8 minute run was pretty good, and I could have continued. I finished the last 5 minute run just before I got home, and the little cool-down walk around the block felt really nice. I was proud of myself for having done it, and it took away any temptation for sugar-loading. We've had a roll cake in our fridge for the past two weeks, and it calls my name everytime I come in the kitchen. I actually opened the fridge to eat a slice at one point last night, but grabbed an apple instead at the last minute, then just got into bed. Sleeping is the only time I'm completely safe from cravings.

This morning the pre-TOM semi-funk continued. When the alarm went off at 5:40, I just did NOT want to get up. I'm not sure why--I slept a solid seven hours yesterday. And I didn't have to get up... this isn't actually a weight-lifting day. I just like doing my cardio in the morning because it gives me a little extra energy and helps keep me honest on the food all day. So I hit the 5 minute snooze button twice, but then I rolled out of bed. And like I said before, there wasn't really any possibility I wouldn't go, although I let the thought cross my mind. I guess exercise really has become a habit now, and I felt like it would have thrown off my day not to do it. It was inevitable that I would go, so I did. I was just going to repeat the 5-8-5 on the treadmill, but there was a volleyball game on TV (YES! hot Korean guys in short shorts!) so instead I decided to push it with 8-5-8. And it was great. I felt really awesome when I finished, I was completely awake, and I got a little endorphin push. I'm at school now, and I feel great... accomplished and ready to tear into my to-do list. Hopefully the funk has passed for good, and the scale will help by moving in the proper direction again.

I figured out, I think, why I was so frightened at the prospect of my current weight loss system breaking down. For better or worse, I've lost the past 59 pounds without counting calories... or fat grams, or points, carbs, or anything really. (I guess I counted servings of things, generally.) I would've liked to count calories, but it simply wasn't an option here in Korea. I'm not even sure what exactly I'm eating 40% of the time (animal? vegetable? mineral?). How many calories are in a piece of dried, salty seaweed (김 - a staple of Korean food, and one of my favorite things)? And even when I knew what I was eating, I couldn't really find any reliable nutritional information on it. So I started trying to eat according to the hunger scale (something I read about in The Complete Idiot's Guide to Nutrition, which I recommend). The basic idea: Pay attention to your stomach. Only eat when you're at a 0 (actually hungry), and stop eating when you're at a 5 (satisfied), and before you're full (7) or overstuffed (9). And I tried to eat a vegetable and some protein at every meal, fruits for snacks, and a little less white rice at each meal. And this system has been working really well for the past 6 weeks.

I knew I probably need to eat a bit more when I upped my exercise, so I've been trying to follow my stomach's cues... but real hunger and fake (I-want-chocolate) hunger are sometimes difficult to discern. I read an article (I think on Sparkpeople) recently that warned that some people will eat (too much) more if they start doing cardio, and then won't lose weight. Those people were called, I think, "compensation eaters," and compensating for the expended exercise energy by eating more limited their weight loss. So yeah, I guess I'm just worried that I don't really KNOW how many calories I consume each day, and if just going on hunger stops working, I'll have to come up with a new plan.

But whatever, I'm sure it'll all be fine. All this running will get me in good cardiovascular and health shape anyway, which is what's most important.

I've decided that Tuesdays, aside from a brief HYC check-in, will be days when I try to focus on motivation... building or maintaining it. So in honor of that, quote of the week:

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." - Wayne Dwyer

I had to Wikipedia Wayne Dwyer too (a self-help coach), and he's not quite as illustrious as Anne Sullivan, but I like this quote a lot nonetheless. I suppose this continues last week's theme, about choices, but it deals with responsibility, which I think is one of the most important things to think about while trying to lose weight, and one of the most difficult things to come to terms with.

A friend of mine made a really excellent entry in her private blog recently about the topic of responsibility, and it got me thinking. Thankfully, this isn't an issue I struggle with. I'm (almost painfully) aware of how I got fat... I ate a lot, and I didn't exercise. Sometimes I overate for emotional reasons, but just as often I did it because I was bored, or because I just really LIKE Mexican food, and felt that eating the equivalent of three meals would give me 3x the joy of eating one. And deceptively, it seemed to, in the short term. In the long-term, it obviously caused other problems. But I don't blame Taco Bell (or McDonald's, for that matter), for selling unhealthy food in huge portions. I'm not sure anyone in this day and age can claim ignorance of how fattening a Big Mac is, or the fact that they need to eat vegetables to survive. The fact is, I became overweight (obese, actually) by patently ignoring society's warnings and my own good sense, for whatever reason.

The quote from Dwyer seems a little harsh... I wouldn't say it, in so many words, to anyone I knew was trying to lose weight. But I might want someone to say it to me. Because it's true. Maybe our parents didn't help us by providing good role models, or teaching us to cook healthily. Maybe magazines didn't help by only showing us super-skinny models we could never possibly hope to look like. But I was the only one putting food in my mouth, so in the end, it was my responsibility. Just as it's my responsibility get myself healthy now. So maybe, whether I like it or not, it really is that simple... "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself."

I hope you all have an excellent and motivated week (and none of you are miserable)! I can't wait to read all of your updates! :)

eta: Damnit, I just ate like 6 little dark chocolates. And it was my own fault.

eta #2: Damnit, I also ate a white-bread sandwich my students made for me. (Lunch #2?) I haven't seen a white bread sandwich in so long, I couldn't help it. It jumped into my mouth! (Denial.)

eta #3 (LAST edit!): I just ran THIRTY MINUTES STRAIGHT on the treadmill. I was only intending to do 10 to make up for the sandwich, as this is usually just a fast walking day, but Law and Order: SVU and Pirates of the Caribbean were on the treadmill TV. 15 was no big deal, so I decided to do 20. Then once I'd done 20, I figured I'd just go ahead and do 25. And then I'd finished 30. According to the (probably wildly inaccurate) treadmill reading, I did 4.5 km. YES!